7 Telltale Signs You Are Experiencing The 7-Year Itch

The 7-year itch is a psychological term for a milestone in a relationship, after which the bond starts to decline. No more sparks flying, no more seeing stars, no more longing for each other’s touch. Couples enter a romantic slumber at this point, leaving them both feeling underappreciated and unwanted. Needless to say that this could lead to unhappiness, emotional detachment, the temptation to break away and even infidelity in some cases.

You will be surprised to know that the term ‘7-year itch’ was originally used to describe scabies! It gained popularity in 1950 when Marilyn Monroe starred in a film by the same name. The film’s subject? A couple loses interest in their monogamous relationship after being together for seven years.

But, hey! Not every couple breaks up after 7 years! However, they may go through a rough patch. Boredom, non-stop bickering, and not wanting to be with each other are typical signs that you are going through this phase. Well, you don’t need to freak out. This phase is normal and temporary. This too shall pass. Moreover, you can fix this feeling.

Quick Tip

There are several cycles in marriage that make certain years harder than others. The 1st year is harder because couples are still getting used to each other. 7th year is hard as kids start going to school and all the love hormones, such as oxytocin and dopamine which were high initially, now run dry.

In this article, we have listed 7 signs that indicate that you have hit the 7-year itch in your relationship, according to experts. You will also learn how to recover and heal from this phase. Scroll down to get all the information you need.

What Is The 7-Year-Itch?

The ‘7-year itch’ is a phrase that describes a common phenomenon in relationships, suggesting a potential dip in satisfaction or romantic enthusiasm around the seventh year of a relationship or marriage.

It is not an exact science but more of a general idea based on trends seen across relationships. It suggests a point when the initial honeymoon phase may wear off and couples may feel restless in a relationship.

It is like a crossroad where individuals might reassess their commitments and desires. It is not a guaranteed phase for every couple, but it highlights the importance of addressing and nurturing a relationship regularly as time passes. The phrase ‘7-Year Itch’ gained popularity in the year 1955, thanks to the film ‘The Seven Year Itch’ by Marilyn Monroe. In the film, Monroe is seen seducing a married man who is feeling restless and bored. The film discusses the challenges that couples face in their 7th year of marriage or relationship. Since then, the 7th year has been linked with the concept of mid-relationship crisis. After the 7th year mark, many couples face similar kinds of problems in their relationship. Let’s figure out the challenges or pitfalls below. 

• Over time, couples may find themselves in familiar routines, missing out on new experiences and excitement. However, this can also be a period of growth as they navigate feelings of emotional distance and work towards rekindling their attraction.
• After 6 years of staying together, couples may feel they know each other very well. However, it’s important to continue engaging in meaningful conversations, especially regarding conflicting opinions. Failing to do so can lead to emotional distance and unresolved issues.
• As couples grow together, they may develop separate expectations and want their partner to identify their needs on their own. When their needs are not met, they feel neglected and unloved, further creating distance in their relationships.
• External stressors like financial burdens, child responsibilities, and familial responsibilities can cause rifts between partners. 
• As couples become too familiar with each other, they stop getting physically close. This lack of intimacy can create stress and cause severe dissatisfaction.

Here are a few warning signs to look out for to understand if you are facing the 7-year-itch.

7 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Make It Past The 7-Year Itch

1. You Stop Being Curious About Each Other

The desire to learn and know more about your partner is a very positive trait. Curiosity is an integral part of communication between a couple, which is one of the most important things in a relationship as it keeps you hooked to each other. A lack of it can cause us to jump to conclusions, make assumptions, and judge our partner. Remember, we are constantly growing and developing as individuals, so it’s important to keep up with each other.

The key to solving this problem is- 

1. When your partner is sharing their feelings and opinions, it’s important to show that you are truly understanding them. One way to do this is by asking questions that demonstrate your interest and concern.
2. Be actively curious about your partner and the world around them. This will prevent the relationship from entering into a dull, dead void and keep you engaged and interested in your partner’s life.

2. You Have Started Keeping Secrets From Each Other

When you’re married with secrets that you are keeping from your spouse, it’s only a matter of time before it creates legit problems. Transparency is a vital part of marriage and relationships. When you don’t practice transparency and decide to hide things, be it your thoughts or significant decisions, a toxic dent is bound to develop in your relationship.

The rewards of honesty and transparency in a relationship outweigh everything else. If you want to be loved, respected, and understood, the most natural place for this to occur is within the transparency of a healthy marriage. The ways to maintain transparency in your relationship are- 

1. Share the real you, all of it – the good, the bad, and the ugly. This level of openness can lead to a deeper understanding and a stronger bond, reassuring your partner that they truly know you.
2. Engage in daily conversations with your partner and discuss your problems, whether big or small, to let them know what you are dealing with. This practice will make your partner feel more connected as they know you are there for them.
3. It’s important to tell your partner about the significant changes in your life, such as a new job, a health issue, or a change in personal circumstances. This keeps them updated and involved in your life.
4. Share financial goals, investments, and spending habits to maintain complete trust. 

3. You Are Spending Less Meaningful Time Together

In this busy life, love isn’t self-sufficient. A marriage or a relationship needs to be fed and nurtured by spending regular quality time together. If you manage to do so, it is among the top signs your relationship will last. However, if you think you are beginning to spend less meaningful time together and are experiencing the curse of a 7-year itch, don’t hesitate to speak with your significant other about how you are both feeling about it.

If you want to feel connected once again, do as listed.

1. Schedule regular date nights, whether at home or outside, and make unforgettable memories. 
2. Divide household responsibilities and do the chores together. This not only lightens the load but also fosters a sense of teamwork, helping you to bond over something productive and helpful.
3. Go for short walks together and talk about random things. You will unexpectedly create memories and get closer. 
4. Introduce shared traditions or rituals into your relationship. These can be simple, yet meaningful, activities that you both enjoy and look forward to. The joy of creating and following these traditions will bring a new level of excitement and connection to your relationship. 
5. Eat at least one meal together. Use this time to catch up on each other’s day and share your thoughts. The warmth and comfort of this shared activity will bring you closer and strengthen your bond. Food is popularly acknowledged to bring people closer so this tip will surely work for you. 
6. Make staycation plans with your partner. A new location, even if it’s just a different part of your city, can help you both unwind and share stress-free moments. This change of scenery will help you bond better and create great memories.

4. You Start Taking Each Other For Granted

At the beginning of a relationship, every little thing – from waking up next to each other or laughing over drinks – can feel meaningful and exciting. But once specific patterns have been established, and certain things become more expected, your old priorities may start to feel less important or more flexible, or even postponable. The decline of communication, affection, and appreciation in a marriage over time is natural, not because couples start to dislike each other, but because they tend to become too comfortable together.

It takes tangible actions to convey how much you care about your partner. Let’s see how you can keep the romance alive in your relationship.

1. Appreciate their small wins and acknowledge their contribution to your life. Thank them time and again to show your happiness in being with them. 
2. Listen to them attentively and make them feel heard. Display curiosity in their opinions and make them feel valued. 
3. Show affection by holding their hands, kissing them, and hugging them. This will make them feel loved. 
4. Surprise your partner with unexpected gestures or even grand plans. This approach of yours will not only make them feel special and significant but also keep the excitement alive in your relationship.
5. Rebuild the intimacy by showing unwavering commitment towards your partner. This will reassure them of your love and strengthen your bond.

5. You Don’t Discuss Your Financial Goals

Money, unsurprisingly, is often a relationship stress in a marriage. Talking to your spouse about money may not be on the top of your to-do list, but it is vital for your marriage. The idea is to build a future together, and if you aren’t discussing the logistics of it, there are certainly going to be more problems besides busted budgets.

Talking about finances with your partner is the only way out. Share your views, state your disagreements, and be on the same page when it comes to finances. Everyone has a different perspective on how they perceive money. It is essential to know where your partner stands on the subject so you can both work out the details and give shape to your long-term plans. Read on to find out how to share financial goals with your partner.

1. Discuss the financial goals early in the relationship so that you both can be on the same page. 
2. Schedule financial check-ins with your partner and review the budget and expenses together. This will not only help you stay on top of your budget and expenses but also provide a sense of security and reassurance in your financial journey together.
3. Set shared financial goals and create long-term monetary objectives. This will not only help you achieve your financial aspirations but also strengthen your bond as a couple, ensuring that both you and your partner are working towards a common future.
4. Talk about your financial fears and ask for guidance as and when you feel stuck. Keep the space open for your partner as well. 
5. Arrange an emergency fund to avoid risks and steer clear of excessive stress.

6. You Are Drowning In Criticism

If you are trapped in the negative cycle of constantly criticizing each other, it will only lead to restlessness where both partners hide things from each other, resent each other, and perhaps go to seek validation elsewhere. Your partner may even start seeing you as a burden and will begin to tune you out.

Instead of criticizing your partner, choose your words carefully.

1. Show respect and appreciation before giving criticism, as they are some of the most important qualities of a healthy relationship. 
2. Appreciate your partner’s strengths and the good things they bring into the relationship to maintain a peaceful environment. 
3. Go for a dialogue rather than a monologue because no one likes being told to do something. Instead of simply expressing your thoughts and feelings, invite your partner to share theirs. This creates a dialogue, where both parties are actively participating and listening to each other, rather than a monologue, where one person dominates the conversation.
4. Creating a safe space is not just a suggestion; it’s a necessity. This space should be where both of you can express your views openly and listen to each other’s point of view, making you both feel secure and comfortable.
5. Select a time when both of you are ready to discuss the issues. Do not converse when both or either of you are tired, angry, and burdened with overwhelming emotions. 
6. Practice empathy and try to understand what caused your partner to react the way they did. This will help you stop playing the blame game. 
7. Reflect on yourself and find your flaws before criticizing your partner. Also, take responsibility for your emotions and actions.

7. You Have No Fight Left

Living in silence is often the first warning sign that all is not right in the relationship. If you have given up fighting, but feel more distant than ever, it’s often a sign that you have reached the crossroads. The thing about fights is that they can lead to greater intimacy if the couple processes the fight well and repairs the relationship.

Quick Tip

You should take out some “me time” or time for yourself if you are facing a 7 year itch, which will help you achieve the clarity needed to take the appropriate steps.

If you want to know how to fix a broken relationship and get back in touch with your feelings, turning towards your partner emotionally is the best thing to do. This means actively listening to your partner, empathizing with their feelings, and expressing your own emotions in a healthy way. Rather than ignoring them, giving them the silent treatment, or responding negatively, turn towards your partner and give it another go. Often, unresolved conflict can fool you into thinking that your love is lost, but if you genuinely want to access it, you have to make an effort. Read on to understand what you can do to avoid the dreadful 7-year itch in your relationship-

1. When you sense a gap between you and your partner, it’s crucial to acknowledge it and delve into the reasons. Understanding the root cause is the first step towards finding effective solutions and bridging the gap together.
2. Communicate with your partner, sharing your interest in reconnecting and bringing the spark of romance back into your relationship. 
3. Make time for each other and engage in activities that would bring emotional closeness. 
4. Apologize earnestly if your fault is clear and take responsibility for rebuilding trust. 
5. Strengthening the bond in a relationship requires conscious effort and patience. Patience allows for understanding and resolving conflicts without causing further damage to the relationship.
6. Consult couple therapy if necessary to solve the underlying problems. A professional can identify the not-so-evident issues and suggest a suitable plan for healing.

Renata Ellera Gomes, a culture and relationship blogger, shares her experience and thoughts on the so-called “7-year itch”. She wisely notes that there’s no time period for this feeling, and it is easy to blame your shortcomings on some external factors. She says, “The seven-year itch might feel like a convenient excuse for infidelity, but it’s all that it is, convenient. To become a better person and a better partner in subsequent relationships, I had to let go of the itch as an excuse and look at the facts, including my own shortcomings (i).”

Infographic: How To Fix The 7-Year Itch

A lot of couples go through the 7-year itch. After years of living together and getting to know each other inside out, it is a human tendency to feel saturated. Although it is a common occurrence, it should not be taken lightly. Sometimes, couples drift so far apart that there is no saving the relationship. If you feel your relationship is experiencing the 7-year itch and wish to do something about it, the infographic below will help you work through it. Check it out!

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some effective ways to rekindle intimacy post-itch?

Some effective tips to rekindle intimacy post the 7th year mark are spending time together enjoying shared hobbies, going to date nights every week, and planning romantic surprises for each other. You may also reminisce about the early days of your relationship and revisit memorable places to strengthen your bond and reignite excitement.

Is year 7 the hardest in marriage?

For some couples, the ‘7-year Itch’ might be the hardest point simply because you grow too comfortable with or used to each other, and it might seem boring. But, throughout your marriage, you will face ups and downs that can either make your relationship grow (if both partners are willing to put in the effort) or fall apart.

Is 7 years too long for a relationship?

This entirely depends on how you and your partner feel about it. Some relationships keep blooming and growing stronger over the years, so seven years may not seem like enough time with each other. But, if you are feeling weary in your relationship, you might want to talk to your partner and see if you want to work it out or go your separate ways.

How long does it take to get over a 7-year relationship?

This changes from person to person. It may take a month, a few weeks, or a year or two to move on from a 7-year-old relationship. But, to effectively move on, you need to give yourself the time to heal and feel all the emotions that come with breaking up.

How long does the average marriage last?

It varies from country to country. However, in the USA, the average number of years a marriage may last is about 8 to 9 years.

What should I expect in the seventh year of marriage?

Some couples might go through the 7-year itch, as mentioned in the article. But, not all couples go through that phase. Some may have a lot of fun in the 7th year of marriage and grow stronger.

Illustration: Telltale Signs You Are Experiencing The 7-Year Itch

Image: Stable Diffusion/StyleCraze Design Team

Embark on a heartfelt journey in this video and explore the challenges and complexities of the notorious 7-year itch in marriage. Check it out!

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Joseph MooreCertified Relationship And Life Coach

 

Joseph Moore is an ace relationship coach and public speaker who started coaching in 2015. Although Joseph is a trained electrical engineer from the University of Chester, he found passion in helping people get it right with their love life.

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Sneha TeteBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

 

Sneha holds a master’s degree in Applied Linguistics from the University of Hyderabad and a professional Relationship Coach diploma. With over four years of experience in writing, she specializes in crafting insightful articles on relationships and lifestyle.

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Subhrojyoti MukherjeeAssociate Editor

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Reshma LatifBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

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