Signs Of A Clingy Girlfriend & 4 Sweet Ways To Deal With Them

Little gestures determine the future of a romantic relationship. Therefore, a clingy girlfriend can be annoying and unhealthy in the long term. And while care and empathy are nice things, too much of these can be uncomfortable.

If your girlfriend is in constant need of reassurance – your love life is probably not in a very healthy phase. No matter how much time, energy, or space you try to give – it might never feel sufficient to her. This clinginess might be triggered by fear, anxiety, jealousy, self-esteem issues, her attachment style, or an insuppressible need to control and manipulate. Also, it might end up suffocating your relationship.

While this is an extremely difficult situation, it is not beyond help. The best way to resolve it is through honest and patient communication. This article will help you find a healthy balance between the time you spend with your girlfriend and the space you need for your growth and self-improvement. Swipe up for more details.

Signs Of A Clingy Girlfriend

1. She Calls, Texts, Or Emails Frequently

A clingy girlfriend may use communication to keep herself updated about you because she feels your entire life must revolve around her. She wants you to talk to her all the time without giving you enough space. This behavior usually comes from insecurity or the expectation that your attention should only be on her. So, she will check up on you multiple times. Research shows that anxiously attached individuals engage in obsessive behaviors like excessive texting, frequently checking up on their partners, and even social media surveillance to maintain a sense of security in the relationship (1).

For example, you are in an important work meeting, and your phone keeps buzzing with “Where are you?”, “Why are not you replying?”, and “Are you ignoring me?” messages. Even after explaining that you are busy, she continues sending texts like, “Do you still love me?” or “Are you mad at me?”

Most commonly, the initial response is anger because you may feel she is nosy and overbearing. However, if you both talk about where this frequent communication comes from, it can be resolved easily.

2. She Loses Interest In Other Things

Every time you have plans to go out with your friends, your girlfriend may get upset. She may also get mad at you for not inviting her along or try to guilt-trip you into doing things that are just for the two of you. This is a sure sign that she is clingy and insecure about your relationship.

For instance, you plan a guys night out with your friends, but she suddenly says, “So, you would rather be with them than me?” or “Why did you not invite me? Are you hiding something?” Instead of using the time to do her own thing, she constantly messages you, asking “When are you coming home?”

It also is problematic because she doesn’t have hobbies, interests, or a social circle to hang out with because she is so focused on you and your life.

When a girl feels the need to micromanage her partner, she isn’t sure you love her and are committed enough for a long-term relationship.

3. She Gets Jealous Easily

If you hang out with your female friends or even talk to them, your clingy girlfriend may become extremely angry. Similarly, when you meet new people she doesn’t know, she may become mad or sad without any reason. She might think that they are trying to steal you away from her.

Research suggests that women tend to experience stronger emotional, cognitive, and physical responses to jealousy compared to men. According to a study on romantic jealousy, women also use more constructive strategies to cope, while men are more likely to engage in destructive behaviors (2). However, sometimes, this jealousy coming from a girlfriend can be excessive and feel suffocating to her partner. If she does not have her own interests and responsibilities aside from you, then her jealousy can reach toxic levels.

4. She Is Speeding Up The Relationship Too Quickly

If your girlfriend wants to be together at all times, it may indicate she is clingy. It’s not only because she loves you but also because she is afraid of losing you. She may try to speed up the relationship because she wants to ensure you will be around for long. It is found that individuals with anxious attachments tend to display their relationships more publicly and seek validation through high relationship visibility, even on social media (1). This makes a clingy girlfriend with anxious attachment rush commitment to solidify her bond.

If you suggest taking things slowly, she may get mad at first but eventually give in and respect your wishes. For instance, you have only been dating for a few weeks, but she is already saying, “I can not wait to move in together,” or “We should start talking about marriage.” When you suggest taking things slowly, she might get upset and say, “Why don’t you love me enough to commit?” The best solution is to talk about the problem and come up with a middle ground where you both can decide how fast the relationship must proceed.

5. She Is A Try-Hard

A clingy girlfriend will always try her hardest to make the relationship work. For instance, if you don’t want to go shopping with her, she will hold onto your arm tightly and look disappointed. If you don’t want to say “I love you” back, she will make a sad face and ask why.

Anxious attachment is linked to heightened emotional sensitivity to ambiguous partner behaviors, meaning that even minor actions or lack thereof can be perceived as threats to the relationship (1).

Every little thing that happens between the two of you is a deal-breaker for her. So, instead of taking this personally or arguing about it, let her know that she has to respect your decisions.

Quick Tip

Another sign of a clingy girlfriend is when she invites herself to outings with your friends to be close to you.

While her clinginess may be annoying, it is not without cause. Read the next section to learn what could possibly make your girl clingy.

What Causes Clinginess In A Relationship?

Clinginess in a relationship can stem from various factors, often rooted in insecurities or a fear of abandonment. Individuals tend to become clingy if they have unresolved issues from past relationships, low self-esteem, or a history of emotional neglect. Research suggests that self-esteem plays a crucial role in relationship dynamics, with lower self-esteem being a significant predictor of coping strategies, including clingy or overly dependent behavior (2). Additionally, anxiety about the future of the relationship, a lack of trust, or feelings of inadequacy may contribute to clingy behavior. Further, research also shows that unmarried individuals report higher levels of jealousy than married individuals, which suggests that relationship security and expectations about its longevity may influence attachment behaviors. Moreover, as mentioned earlier, as women tend to exhibit stronger emotional, physical, and cognitive responses to jealousy, it could further fuel clingy tendencies in certain situations (2). Unmet emotional needs or a desire for constant reassurance could also lead to clinginess.

Open communication, trust-building activities, and addressing underlying insecurities can help create a healthier relationship dynamic, fostering independence and emotional security for both partners. Understanding the root cause is crucial to overcome clinginess and establish a more balanced connection.

Here are a few tips to deal with a clingy girlfriend in the nicest way possible to let her know you genuinely want to be together.

Sweet Ways To Deal With A Clingy Girlfriend

1. Don’t Try To Change Her

It’s hard not to get upset when your girlfriend is constantly trying to make you act differently. But it can also get draining for her if she feels like she isn’t allowed an opinion or a sense of independence in the relationship. So, let her know how much you love and appreciate her to soften the blow of not always getting everything you want.

2. Be Upfront With Her

When your girlfriend is clinging to you, it makes sense to give her some time and space. Unfortunately, you may not always be available at her beck and call. To handle this, tell her how you feel. Have an open conversation about why she is so clingy. She will be able to understand where you are coming from and give you more space.

Quick Tip

It is important to be kind and clear when you are communicating your needs. If you don’t like her texting you multiple times a day, let her know that as much as you love talking to her, it interferes with your work. You can go ahead and ask her if the number of texts can be cut down to preserve your boundaries.

3. Explain The Importance Of Healthy Boundaries

If your girlfriend wants to be around you all the time, she must understand why it’s healthy for you and her to take some time apart. Be sure to let her know that she isn’t a bad girlfriend by wanting to be near you and that there is nothing wrong with making plans with your friends or other activities.

4. Show Love, Trust, And Support

The best way for someone who needs constant reassurance of love is to give it as much as you possibly can. Don’t lie to her about how you feel and remind her that you love her. Let her know what she means to you and show your true feelings. You can also show support through actions instead of just giving emotional validation.

5. Encourage Independence

Encourage your partner to discover her preferences and do things that keep her happy. Motivate her to develop hobbies and support her in her decisions. This will build her confidence, leading her to value her independence. Compliment her for her achievements from time to time and be her biggest supporter as she explores her potential. Once she realizes her worth and what she can do on her own, she won’t be overly reliant and obsessed with you. In fact, this will allow the both of you to build a healthy bond.

By doing these four things, a clingy girlfriend will be able to get rid of her clinginess and feel more confident in herself, knowing that you still love her even when she’s not around.

So, what do you do when you have a clingy girlfriend? You can address your need for time and space. Make her understand the importance of healthy boundaries and that you are uncomfortable when she infiltrates your personal space by tagging along with your near and dear ones.

How To Deal With A Clingy Girlfriend

1. Ask Yourself What You Want

Before you try to get rid of her clinginess, try to understand why your girlfriend is clingy. If you don’t like that your girlfriend wants to be around all the time, let her know this assertively without hurting her feelings. Be firm about it, and she may respect you for being honest with her in the long run.

Instead of blaming your partner for making you uncomfortable at times, express the way you feel. State clearly when you feel overwhelmed by the amount of time you spend together. Mention your concern that you both will get wrapped up so much in each other that the rest of your life will slip away.

2. Keep Things Healthy

If your girlfriend is too clingy and trying to control your actions, you probably need to reevaluate how healthy your relationship is. Start distancing yourself from her without being mean about it and take some time off to reflect and understand your relationship. She may get the hint that you are unhappy with her and seek out healthy forms of affection.

If you do not like your girlfriend texting or calling you every hour, talk about cutting down the frequency or decide a specific time for speaking daily. If she expects you to invite her to your friend’s parties or family functions, explain politely that you enjoy spending time with her on date nights and will introduce her to your close people when you feel comfortable.

Setting boundaries isn’t about pushing your girlfriend away, but it will instill a healthy sense of self-awareness, so you both can be on the same page as equal individuals without having to compromise.

3. Get Some Space For Yourself

Sometimes, it is nice to have a little more space for yourself without feeling guilty or selfish about it. However, this can be hard for someone to accept who is clingy.

Tell your girlfriend how much your ‘me time’ means to you and why. Make her understand how some alone time helps you zone out and process the day. It also lets you decompress and approach your relationship with a more level head and emotional capacity. Additionally, try to schedule both me-time and date nights so that your girlfriend doesn’t feel ignored.

This way, she will realize it’s healthy and important for you both to spend some time apart and enjoy individual interests. She will respect the fact that it’s nothing personal and just a way for you to maintain your individuality.

4. Take A Break

If you feel your girlfriend has been more distant lately and hasn’t been showing affection to you, give her some space for a few weeks before talking to her about it. She might be going through something that has nothing at all to do with you. However, she will appreciate the extra love and attention you offer her when she’s ready to come back.

On the other hand, if you find extreme behaviors and intense clinginess, discuss them with your girlfriend before they worsen even further. You can also set boundaries if you identify any red flags or potential conflicts. Consider consulting a therapist or counselor for help. They may help you analyze the situation better, uncover underlying reasons, and help your girlfriend break her clingy patterns. You may also consider taking a break if your girlfriend isn’t making an effort to build the relationship on healthy terms.

Infographic: How To Deal With A Clingy Girlfriend

Having a clingy girlfriend is often difficult when you want some personal space and time. You need to address these issues sweetly to save the relationship and make her understand your perspective. You can implement certain strategies to help your girlfriend gain confidence and reduce her clinginess while maintaining a loving and supportive relationship. Check out the infographic below for tips to sweetly deal with a clingy girlfriend.

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Frequently Asked Questions

What does clingy mean to a guy?

The meaning of clingy may vary from person to person. While some guys may consider clinginess as a positive aspect of their relationship to justify their needy behavior, other guys may look at it as an annoyance and a relationship-wrecking trait.

What is considered clingy texting?

Constantly messaging someone and seeking attention may be considered clingy texting. It is an obsessive texting behavior where a person shows signs of emotional dependence and feels the need to be around someone all the time even though the recipient doesn’t acknowledge it or does not reply

Is being clingy a red flag?

Being clingy could be a red flag as it hampers a healthy relationship. This trait usually develops into other major red flags such as jealousy and overdominance, which can ruin the bond in the long run.

Is being clingy immature?

No, being clingy is not just immature, it is related to emotional intelligence as well. The constant need for reassurance or being overly needy in a relationship can turn immaturity into a toxic trait.

Wondering if your girlfriend’s behavior may be leaning towards clinginess? Then, check out this video that features the signs of a clingy partner and offers advice on how to address the situation.

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Dr. Holly SchiffLicensed Clinical Psychologist

   

Dr. Holly Schiff is a clinical psychologist licensed in Rhode Island, Connecticut, and New York and has over 10 years of experience. She was awarded a Doctorate of Psychology in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University.

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