Co-Parenting With A Narcissist: How To Make It Work

Co-parenting with a narcissistic partner is tough as it can lead to conflicts and challenges. Narcissists are often inflexible and try to manipulate situations in unhealthy ways. Such parents may push the boundaries, take a toll on your mental health, and affect your kid(s) growing years.

However, there are a few things you can do to make things bearable and manageable. In this article, we have unveiled the secrets of how to co-parent with a narcissist. Keep reading.

What Is It Like To Co-Parent With A Narcissist?

Knowing what to expect when co-parenting with a narcissistic ex will mentally prepare you to avoid conflicts during co-parenting. Usually, people with narcissistic personality disorder have several characteristic traits. They:

• Try to grab attention by any means (healthy or unhealthy).
• Have an inflated sense of self.
• Lack empathy for people.
• Have unreasonable expectations from people.
• Are preoccupied with fantasies and lost in their own world.
• Are arrogant and may act snobby if things are not as they want.
• Envy others and believe that people envy them.
• Have identity issues and seek constant validation from others.
• Have a troubled history or relationships or no relationships at all.

As a result, you may experience the following scenarios while co-parenting with them:

• Non-cooperation with joint custody and other arrangements.
• May not prioritize the child’s wellness.
• Interfere with the child’s day to day activities and disrupt the arrangement.
• Conflicts and misunderstandings.

We cannot deny that co-parenting with a narcissistic ex is going to be a high-conflict situation. You can reach out to a therapist and follow these tips to keep the situation under control.

How To Survive Co-Parenting With A Narcissist: A Few Useful Tips

1. Accept It

This may not sound like a tip, but trust us, sometimes, accepting that your ex is a narcissist helps a lot. It lessens your expectations, prepares you mentally for the worse situation, and helps you identify the pattern. Accepting the truth is the first step to resolution.

2. Set Communication Boundaries

Avoid verbal communication as much as possible as it may often lead to conflict. However, this does not mean you have to keep mum. Instead, communicate through e-mails and let them know all your concerns. This will give them time to process your opinions, and they won’t create dramatic scenes, at least not in person.

Also, set a time when your partner may visit the time and choose the venue beforehand. While communicating with your narcissistic partner, set your emotions aside and stick to the facts.

3. Set A Proper Schedule

If the child stays with you and your ex-partner visits them quite often, set a schedule for the visitations. Decide how much time the child is allowed to spend with your ex. Distribute responsibilities and make sure your kids’ appointments, school meetings, and other schedules are taken care of. Ensure your child has a mobile phone to stay in touch.

4. Feed Their Self-Importance

Narcissists crave admiration and praise. Compliments do not hurt when you desperately want to get out of a complicated situation or avoid conflicts. This is one of the easiest ways to avoid escalating things when dealing with a narcissist over child custody. Their need for approval gets fulfilled, and you get peace of mind. It’s a win-win for both.

5. Go For B.I.F.F

Brief, informative, friendly, and firm (B.I.F.F) is a method that helps you deal with high-conflict people like narcissists. You can use this when communicating with a narcissist co-parent:

• Brief: Keep it brief and to the point. Focus only on the problem at hand and communicate without getting emotionally overwhelmed.
• Informative: Stick to the facts and avoid personal opinions and aggressive statements.
• Friendly: Try to be amicable and do not use hostile language as it can further spark their defensiveness.
• Firm: Clearly state your views without pushing the discussion any further.

6. Opt for Parallel Parenting

Sometimes, even with all the tips and strategies, dealing with a narcissist co-parent can become impossible. In such cases, you can consider parallel parenting. In this type of parenting, interactions between the partners are limited. It allows each parent to maintain a meaningful relationship with the child and avoid personal conflicts.

7. Appoint A Parent Coordinator

Sometimes, nothing may seem to work out, no matter how much you try. If your narcissistic partner refuses to cooperate, there is no point in locking horns with your toxic ex. Instead, it is better to consult your attorney and schedule all communications through a court-appointed parent coordinator. This will save you and your child from stress and trauma. Here are a few more do’s and don’ts to help you deal with a narcissistic co-parent.

Co-Parenting With A Narcissist: Do’s And Don’ts

Dos

• Always Maintain Detailed Records: Narcissistic tend to manipulate conversations, and they are also pathological liars. They can turn incidents around and use them in court as a weapon against you. So, always keep a record of communication via phone calls, messages, and documents.
• Prioritize Emotional Health: Prioritize your and your child’s mental well-being. Take out time for your kid and try to indulge in fun activities. Visit places, parks, or spend time with other family members. These can take the load off your mind and also make your child feel safe and happy.
• Seek Counseling: This is crucial for both you and your kid. If your child is young, they tend to pick up behavior and need help processing their thoughts. A child therapist can help your kid deal with their anxiety and uncertainties and help them cope better.

Don’ts

• Don’t Try To Win An Argument: Because you just cannot. A narcissist won’t let you win. They start twisting facts to confuse you and may resort to false accusations to prove their point. So, stick to your answer, hold your emotional bridge, and don’t give too much information.
• Don’t Involve Your Child: Keep the kids away from the discussions and arguments. Do not communicate with your ex via them or pass on messages. You may feel tempted to talk about the negative aspects of your partner with the kid, trying to prove your point. However, avoid burdening the child with unnecessary information. This may affect their mental well-being.
• Don’t Be Afraid: Narcissists want attention, and when you feel afraid, it gives them the upper hand. So, stay strong and stick to your boundaries.
• Don’t Blame Yourself: It’s not your fault that your partner is a narcissist and is a trouble-maker. Remember that you tried your best, but that person did not deserve your trust and love. Instead, focus all your attention on yourself and your child.

Sometimes, things may go out of hand and turn hostile. In such cases, do not hesitate to take strict action for the sake of your and your kid’s well-being.

When To Take Further Action

Contact your family, friends, and lawyers if:

• Your ex has become physically and emotionally abusive towards you.
• Their aggressive behavior is affecting your kid.
• You feel afraid of the child’s safety in their presence.
• They constantly neglect your child’s needs.

When co-parenting with a narcissistic partner, always prioritize the child’s needs and ensure a safe environment. The suggestions discussed in the article will help you strike a balance and avoid conflicts with your narcissistic ex. However, if nothing works, do not hesitate to reach out to the law and emergency services.

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Harini NatarajanHead Of Content Operations

 

As Head Of Content Operations, Harini sets the tone and editorial direction for StyleCraze to deliver engaging, interesting, and authentic content revolving around women's health, wellness, and beauty. She is a Certified Professional Life Coach from Transformation Academy, a Certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner from The Priority Academy, and has over 17 years of experience in content writing and editing for online media.

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Ravi Teja TadimallaCo-Editor-in-Chief

Ravi Teja Tadimalla is a Co-Editor-in-Chief and a published author. He has been in the digital media field for over a decade. He graduated from SRM University, Chennai, and has a Professional Certificate in Food, Nutrition & Research from Wageningen University.

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