9 Best Tips To Write A Breakup Letter Along With Examples

Is Writing A Letter A Good Way To Breakup?

Most people will reject the idea with a straight “No.” Breaking up over letters is often thought to be rude. However, it depends on the dynamics of the relationship and your comfort mode for expressing such difficult emotions.

A face-to-face confrontation may get messy, leading to unending arguments and hatred. Sometimes, it is easier to write a letter instead. It allows you to speak your mind unabashedly without any interruptions and does not give your partner the chance to talk you out of your valid feelings. Letters are straightforward!

Initially, you might find it difficult to find the right words. However, once you start writing, you will realize how easily your emotions flow through the words. Also, writing a goodbye letter makes things final.

Foster Rudy, a blogger, shared a form breakup letter that he used to establish boundaries and end communication with ex-partners after politeness and kindness failed. He mentioned, “The form letter works because all of my breakups are essentially the same (i).” He further added, “It keeps me from saying something I will regret later. It also reminds me that I don’t owe the other person anything, anymore. I’m done.” He also said, “The form letter releases me, and the other person, from the dysfunctional shit we were doing to each other. I don’t need to say “I don’t love you anymore.” The letter says that for me.”

If you have decided to write a breakup letter, here are some basic dos and don’ts you should consider.

How To Write A Breakup Letter: The Dos And Don’ts

Here is how to break up with someone over text, email, or handwritten letters in a polite and respectful manner.

1. Don’t wait for too long! Try to send the letter soon after you realize that you want to end the relationship. Sending it weeks or months after you have made this realization can lead to you acting in ways that could breed resentment.

3. Always be honest and speak from the heart! Address the issues you have. If you have discussed your issues but your partner never responded to them, address that as well.

3. Try to end a relationship amicably. Think of all the good memories you have and give a proper closure. However, this might not happen in all cases. Try to be straightforward without sounding rude.

4. Do not wait for things to get sour. Once things turn south, you might feel angry or neglected. Do not write a letter when you feel this way. Let your emotions settle, and then pen down your thoughts. Never let your sadness or anger speak for you.

5. If the relationship is ending on bad terms or is abusive, keep the letter short and to the point. It is easy to vent out, but it may not help in the long run. It is always better to cut the cord quickly.

6. If you hurt your partner and want to break up, apologize. Tell them the reason for your actions. Acknowledge your mistake, and apologize from the heart. Acceptance of mistakes will give them the closure they need.

7. Once you write the letter, reread it after some time. You might want to add in or remove some bits.

8. Do not pick at your partner’s faults and don’t get into a blame game – end everything without making any mess. In the long run, you will feel more mature about this.

9. Avoid mentioning any third member. Keep this strictly between you and your partner.

Quick Tip

You may start the letter by acknowledging how things were great once and how it started falling apart and don’t blame him just tell them what happened so try to keep anger apart while writing the letter.

Writing a letter might be difficult for some people. This is where a template of breakup paragraphs may come in handy. Here are some templates to give you an idea of what to write.

Breakup Letter Examples: Tips On What To Say And How To

1. Breakup Letter To End Things On A Good Note

Name,

You have been such a wonderful person ever since our relationship commenced. I know you have indeed loved me deeply and I never ever doubt that fact. However, over time, it became evident that this relationship is not going to work for us.
I also know that I will never be able to look at someone else the way I looked at you. You have a special place in my heart. Hence, moving on is a hard decision for me.

I am writing this breakup letter with immense sorrow, but you know this has to follow. I hope you find the right partner in your life.

Take Care
Name

2. Breakup Letter To End Things With A Cheating Partner

Name,

I’m sorry, but I can’t get over you cheating on me. Every time I try to move past this and think of us, I can’t let go of the fact that you cheated. Instead of talking to me about what you were feeling, you chose to break my trust. If you were feeling unsatisfied, you should have spoken to me.

It breaks my heart because I don’t understand why you wouldn’t speak to me if you thought we had issues. I’m sorry if I made you feel short or insecure in any way. I always did my best to put you first.

I love you, but moving past this is too difficult for me. I just hope that you learn from this experience. Communication matters in every relationship. I believe we had a good thing going. But now, I have made up my mind. Time, space, and communication are not going to work.

Please don’t try to get in touch with me. It would hurt too much, and I need to move on. I want to end things amicably. Take care of yourself.

Bye.

Name

3. Breakup Letter To End A Long-Distance Relationship

Name,

I need to speak my heart out. Knowing what I have to say saddens me to the core. I have thought a lot about this before writing to you. I know we both want this relationship to work out, but I can’t handle being far apart.

For quite some time, I’ve been feeling like we’re growing apart. Our schedules are different, and we can’t seem to make time for each other. It feels like the distance, both physical and emotional, between us is growing. I don’t want to push it so far where we barely say a word to each other in a week. I’d rather end things on good terms.

The stress of missing you and the guilt of growing accustomed to the space between us is too much for me. I know you love your job, and I love mine. Either of us asking the other to give up their job is unfair. And at the same time, one of us (if not both) would have willingly left our job if we really thought this relationship would work.

You deserve someone who can be there for you at all times, right by your side. And so do I. The best thing for us is to break up and move on.

Know that I treasure the time we spent together. Good luck for the future.

Take Care.
Name

4. Breakup Letter When Your Directions Are Different

Name,

I don’t want to beat around the bush. We’re both at an age where we’re career-driven and have goals to meet and dreams to fulfill.

Every time we’ve discussed our plans to reach those goals, I’ve noticed that “We” are not a factor anymore. Our goals take us in opposite directions. We want different things in life.

I don’t think either of us is willing to compromise our aspirations for each other. It will eventually ruin us if we did. Neither of us should feel bad to put our careers first.

Instead, I think we should end things amicably and right away. It’s the best thing for both of us. Being with you was an experience I will never forget.

Take Care
Name

5. Breakup Letter For When You Just Don’t Feel The Same Way

Name,

There’s been something I’ve wanted to talk to you about. I love you, but I don’t feel the same way I used to. Being with you used to give me a high. It doesn’t feel like that anymore. And I think you know and feel that as well.

We used to spend so much time together. But now we barely see each other for more than a few minutes a day. And the fact that we’ve become comfortable living like that indicates that something is wrong.

We both deserve partners who make time for each other. When we see them, it feels like the first time. You’d do anything to make them happy. While we used to be like that at first, we don’t feel the same anymore. It’s like our relationship is on autopilot.

We’re just existing in this relationship and not thriving. And I don’t think it’s fair on either of us. We should split up while things are good between us, rather than waiting for it to boil over into a fight.

Thank you for the memories. I’m sorry if this hurts you. Please know it’s for the best.

Bye
Name

6. Breakup Letter For When Things Are Tough With Their Family

Name,

There’s been something that’s been weighing on my heart. When we got together, I knew that it meant I had to get involved with your family as well. But your family and I don’t get along. And you know it too.

It’s been a constant struggle with your family. It feels like they really don’t accept me. Decisions that are supposed to be ours have become a full family affair. I know that our families are wildly different, but it’s not supposed to be this hard.

It feels like your family and I are playing tug of war with you, and we’re ripping you apart in half. I don’t want to do that.

I will never make you choose between your family and me. Yet, at the same time, I can’t help feeling that I need a partner who puts me first.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Words will never be enough to express how much you mean to me. You will always be the one that got away.

I love you and always will.

Take care!
Name

7. Breakup Letter When You Can’t Commit

Name,

We need to talk. For some time now, this relationship has been overwhelming for me. Things are moving too fast for me. I know “ it’s not you, it’s me” is a cliche, but in our case, it rings true.

You are an amazing person, but we are not on the same page. I am not in the mindset to settle down. I’m sorry! I don’t want to hurt you, but I think you’ll agree that I’m not completely committed to this relationship. You deserve better.

Being in this relationship is ultimately going to ruin us. The best thing is to go our own way. Again, I’m sorry to hurt you.

I wish only the best for you.

Bye
Name

8. Breakup Letter For When They Can’t Commit

Name,

I need to get something off my chest. You and I have been together for so many years. I have given my heart and soul to the relationship. But I feel that you haven’t.

I think you’re at a different stage in life. I’m serious about our relationship and want to take the next step. But you are complacent just where we are.

Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one who wants to be in this. I have to force you to go places or spend time. It feels like a chore.

I don’t want that anymore. I deserve to be with someone who appreciates me and puts in the effort to be with me.

I’m sure this comes as no surprise to you. I’m sorry! This is the last you’ll hear from me.

Take Care
Name

9. Breakup Letter When Things Are Overwhelming

Name,

I’m cutting straight to the chase – our relationship is overwhelming and not in a good way. It’s started to take a toll on me.

It’s not that I don’t love you or feel that you don’t love me. But I’ve become someone else in this relationship. I agree with things I am not comfortable with to make you happy. I’m losing my individuality and don’t feel like me anymore.

You say that you appreciate me for who I am, but you also try to change parts of me that are so intricately me. I can’t be in this relationship anymore. I feel exhausted.

I’m sorry if this hurts you, but I just can’t do this anymore.

Bye.
Name

Writing down your feelings has a cathartic effect. It takes courage to handle a breakup through letters in a dignified way and helps to cope with the grief. Here is a collection of history’s most poignant breakup letters.

Quick Tip

The worst part of a breakup is lack of closure, not knowing the actual reason for the breakup is much more challenging than the actual breakup so always express your reasons clearly and why is in their best interest.

Historic Breakup Letters You Should Read

1. Mary Wollstonecraft to Gilbert Imlay

You must do as you please with respect to the child.—I could wish that it might be done soon, that my name may be no more mentioned to you. It is now finished.—Convinced that you have neither regard nor friendship, I disdain to utter a
reproach, though I have had reason to think, that the “forbearance” talked of, has not been very delicate.—It is however of no consequence.—I am glad you are satisfied with your own conduct.

I now solemnly assure you, that this is an eternal farewell.—Yet I flinch not from the duties which tie me to life.

That there is “sophistry” on one side or another, is certain; but now it matters not on which. On my part it has not been a question of words. Yet your understanding or mine must be strangely warped—for what you term “delicacy,” appears to me to be exactly the contrary. I have no criterion for morality, and have thought in vain, if the sensations which lead you to follow an ancle or step, be the sacred foundation of principle and affection. Mine has been of a very different nature, or it would not have stood the brunt of your sarcasms.

The sentiment in me is still sacred. If there be any part of me that will survive the sense of my misfortunes, it is the purity of my affections. The impetuosity of your senses, may have led you to term mere animal desire, the source of principle; and it may give zest to some years to come.—Whether you will always think so, I shall never know.

It is strange that, in spite of all you do, something like conviction forces me to believe, that you are not what you appear to be.
I part with you in peace.

2. From Richard Burton To Elizabeth Taylor

You’re off, by God!

I can barely believe it since I am so unaccustomed to anybody leaving me. But reflectively I wonder why nobody did so before. All I care about—honest to God—is that you are happy and I don’t much care who you’ll find happiness with. I mean as long as he’s a friendly bloke and treats you nice and kind. If he doesn’t I’ll come at him with a hammer and clinker. God’s eye may be on the sparrow but my eye will always be on you. Never forget your strange virtues. Never forget that underneath that veneer of raucous language is a remarkable and puritanical LADY. I am a smashing bore and why you’ve stuck by me so long is an indication of your loyalty.

I shall miss you with passion and wild regret.

3. From Oscar Wilde To Lord Alfred Douglas

There is, I know, one answer to all that I have said to you, and that is that you loved me: that all through those two and a half years during which the Fates were weaving into one scarlet pattern the threads of our divided lives you really loved me. Yes: I know you did. No matter what your conduct to me was, I always felt that at heart you really did love me. Though I saw quite clearly that my position in the world of Art, the interest my personality had always excited, my money, the luxury in which I lived, the thousand and one things that went to make up a life so charmingly, and so wonderfully improbable as mine was, were, each and all of them, elements that fascinated you and made you cling to me; yet besides all this there was something more, some strange attraction for you: you loved me far better than you loved anybody else.

4. From Simone de Beauvoir To Nelson Algren

I am not sad. Rather stunned, very far away from myself, not really believing you are now so far, so far, you so near. I want to tell you only two things before leaving, and then I’ll not speak about it any more, I promise. First, I hope so much, I want and need so much to see you again, some day. But, remember, please, I shall never more ask to see you — not from any pride since I have none with you, as you know, but our meeting will mean something only when you wish it. So, I’ll wait. When you’ll wish it, just tell. I shall not assume that you love me anew, not even that you have to sleep with me, and we have not to stay together such a long time — just as you feel, and when you feel. But know that I’ll always long for your asking me. No, I cannot think that I shall not see you again. I have lost your love and it was (it is) painful, but shall not lose you. Anyhow, you have me so much, Nelson, what you gave me meant so much, that you could never take it back. And then your tenderness and friendship were so precious to me that I can still feel warm and happy and harshly grateful when I look at you inside me. I do hope this tenderness and friendship will never, never desert me. As for me, it is baffling to say so and I feel ashamed, but it is the only true truth: I just love as much as I did when I landed into your disappointed arms, that means with my whole self and all my dirty heart; I cannot do less. But that will not bother you, honey, and don’t make writing letters of any kind a duty, just write when you feel like it, knowing every time it will make me very happy.

Well, all words seem silly. You seem so near, so near, let me come near to you, too. And let me, as in the past times, let me be in my own heart forever.

Your own Simone

5. From Jackie Kennedy To Her Teenage Boyfriend

I’ve always thought of being in love as willing to do anything for the other person — starve to buy them bread and not mind living in Siberia with them — and I’ve always thought that every minute away from them would be hell — so looking at it that [way] I guess I’m not in love with you. I do love you though — and can love you without kissing you every time I see you and I hope you understand that.

6. From Edith Wharton To W. Morton Fullerton

Don’t think I am “fchée,” as you said yesterday; but I am sad & bewildered beyond words, & with all my other cares & bewilderments, I can’t go on like this!

When I went away I thought I shd perhaps hear once from you. But you wrote me every day — you wrote me as you used to three years ago! And you provoked me to answer in the same way, because I could not see for what other purpose you were writing. I thought you wanted me to write what was in my heart!

Then I come back, & not a word, not a sign. You know that here it is impossible to exchange two words, & you come here, & come without even letting me know, so that it was a mere accident that I was at home. You go away, & again dead silence. I have been back three days, & I seem not to exist for you. I don’t understand.

If I could lean on some feeling in you — a good & loyal friendship, if there’s nothing else! — then I could go on, bear things, write, & arrange my life…

Now, ballottée perpetually between one illusion & another by your strange confused conduct of the last six months, I can’t any longer find a point de repère. I don’t know what you want, or what I am! You write to me like a lover, you treat me like a casual acquaintance!

Which are you — what am I?

Casual acquaintance, no; but a friend, yes. I’ve always told you I foresaw that solution, & accepted it in advance. But a certain consistency of affection is a fundamental part of friendship. One must know à quoi s’en tenir. And just as I think we have reached that stage, you revert abruptly to the other relation, & assume that I have noticed no change in you, & that I have not suffered or wondered at it, but have carried on my life in serene insensibility until you chose to enter again suddenly into it.
I have borne all these inconsistencies & incoherences as long as I could, because I love you so much, & because I am so sorry for things in your life that are difficult & wearing — but I have never been capricious or exacting, I have never, I think, added to those difficulties, but have tried to lighten them for you by a frank & faithful friendship. Only now a sense of my worth, & a sense also that I can bear no more, makes me write this to you. Write me no more such letters as you sent me in England.
It is a cruel & capricious amusement. — It was not necessary to hurt me thus! I understand something of life, I judged you long ago, & I have accepted you as you are, admiring all your gifts & your great charm, & seeking only to give you the kind of affection that should help you most, & lay the least claim on you in return. But one cannot have all one’s passionate tenderness demanded one day, & ignored the next, without reason or explanation, as it has pleased you to do since your enigmatic change in December. I have had a difficult year — but the pain within my pain, the last turn of the screw, has been the impossibility of knowing what you wanted of me, & what you felt for me — at a time when it seemed natural that, if you had any sincere feeling for me, you should see my need of an equable friendship — I don’t say love because that is not made to order! — but the kind of tried tenderness that old friends seek in each other in difficult moments of life. My life was better before I knew you. That is, for me, the sad conclusion of this sad year. And it is a bitter thing to say to the one being one has ever loved d’amour.

7. From Agnes von Kurowsky To Ernest Hemingway

Ernie, dear boy,

I am writing this late at night after a long think by myself, & I am afraid it is going to hurt you, but, I’m sure it won’t harm you permanently.

For quite awhile before you left, I was trying to convince myself it was a real love-affair, because, we always seemed to disagree, & then arguments always wore me out so that I finally gave in to keep you from doing something desperate.
Now, after a couple of months away from you, I know that I am still very fond of you, but, it is more as a mother than as a sweetheart. It’s alright to say I’m a Kid, but, I’m not, & I’m getting less & less so every day.

So, Kid (still Kid to me, & always will be) can you forgive me some day for unwittingly deceiving you? You know I’m not really bad, & don’t mean to do wrong, & now I realize it was my fault in the beginning that you cared for me, & regret it from the bottom of my heart. But, I am now & always will be too old, & that’s the truth, & I can’t get away from the fact that you’re just a boy – a kid.

I somehow feel that some day I’ll have reason to be proud of you, but, dear boy, I can’t wait for that day, & it was wrong to hurry a career.

I tried hard to make you understand a bit of what I was thinking on that trip from Padua to Milan, but, you acted like a spoiled child, & I couldn’t keep on hurting you. Now, I only have the courage because I’m far away.

Then – & believe me when I say this is sudden for me, too – I expect to be married soon. And I hope & pray that after you thought things out, you’ll be able to forgive me & start a wonderful career & show what a man you really are.

Ever admiringly & fondly,
Your friend, Aggie

8. Abraham Lincoln To Mary Owens

Friend Mary

I have commenced two letters to send you before this, both of which displeased me before I got half done, and so I tore them up. The first I thought wasn’t serious enough, and the second was on the other extreme. I shall send this, turn out as it may.
This thing of living in Springfield is rather a dull business after all, at least it is so to me. I am quite as lonesome here as ever was anywhere in my life. I have been spoken to by but one woman since I have been here, and should not have been by her, if she could have avoided it. I’ve never been to church yet, nor probably shall not be soon. I stay away because I am conscious I should not know how to behave myself-

I am often thinking about what we said of your coming to live at Springfield. I am afraid you would not be satisfied. There is a great deal of flourishing about in carriages here; which it would be your doom to see without sharing in it. You would have to be poor without the means of hiding your poverty. Do you believe you could bear that patiently? Whatever woman may cast her lot with mine should any ever do so, it is my intention to do all in my power to make her happy and contented; and there is nothing I can imagine, that would make me more unhappy than to fail in the effort. I know I should be much happier with you than the way I am, provided I saw no signs of discontent in you. What you have said to me may have been in jest, or I may have misunderstood it. If so, then let it be forgotten; if otherwise, I much wish you would think seriously before you decide. For my part I have already decided. What I have said I will most positively abide by, provided you wish it. My opinion is that you had better not do it. You have not been accustomed to hardship, and it may be more severe than you now imagine.

I know you are capable of thinking correctly on any subject, and if you deliberate maturely upon this, before you decide, then I am willing to abide your decision.

You must write me a good long letter after you get this. You have nothing else to do, and though it might not seem interesting to you, after you have written it, it would be a good deal of company to me in this “busy wilderness”. Tell your sister I don’t want to hear any more about selling out and moving. That gives me the hypo whenever I think of it.

Yours &c. Lincoln

Infographic: 15 Signs That It Is Time To Break Up With Your Partner

Once you write a breakup letter and send it off, it may be too late to change your mind. That’s why it is important to be sure that you want to break up with your partner and also be clear about the reasons so that there is no scope for ambiguity later on.

Check out this infographic for some common telltale signs that the relationship is going nowhere, and it is better to part ways.

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you break up with someone you love but who is toxic?

If you choose to break up with a toxic individual who you love, you must stay firm with your decision, cut all contact, build a support system (from your family or friends), and seek professional help for your mental well-being.

How do you know if a guy is hurt after a breakup?

You can know if a guy is hurt after a breakup if he stops socializing, asks you for a second chance, tries to get busy, or starts drinking.

Should I text after the breakup?

You can text your ex after a breakup, but wait for at least 30 days. According to the no contact rule, one month is enough to process the feelings after a breakup – and you will be in a clear mind to converse with your ex.

A must-watch for anyone who has ever experienced the heartache of a breakup: check out the video below. This heartbreaking break up letter explores the emotions and thoughts behind ending a relationship.

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Reviewer Author Editor

Hemali AdhiyaICF Certified Relationship Coach

   

Hemali is an ICF-Certified ACC Level Life Coach with 3 years of experience in relationship, marriage, and grief coaching. Her sessions aim to bring about transformation in her clients’ lives, perspectives, and relationships.

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Sneha TeteBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

 

Sneha has a master's degree in Applied Linguistics from the University of Hyderabad, a professional Relationship Coach diploma, and over four years of experience in writing. She writes about relationships and lifestyle.Sneha began her career as an instructional designer, shifted to freelance technical and research writing, and self-published a novella on the theme of adolescent mental health.

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Subhrojyoti MukherjeeAssociate Editor

Subhrojyoti is an associate editor at StyleCraze with four years of experience. He has a master’s degree in English from Presidency University, Kolkata, and has also done a post-graduate certificate course in Editing and Publishing from Jadavpur University, Kolkata.

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