What Causes Jealousy In A Relationship? How To Stop It?

“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening” – Maya Angelou

Yes, a little jealousy in relationships can improve the taste, but too much can spoil the pleasure and threaten the relationship (1). It is a natural emotion in any relationship, especially when you start feeling insecure. However, there is a limit to everything. Do you feel your jealousy is getting toxic? Keep reading this article to know more.

Is Jealousy Good In A Relationship?

Jealousy is indeed a poor medium to secure love, but it is a secure medium to destroy one – Emma Goldman

If you have watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S, remember why Ross and Rachel “take a break?” Ross was consumed with jealousy about Rachel and Mark’s friendship, which soured the bond between the beloved couple.

Jealousy is never good in a relationship. You have to trust your partner. Without trust, the relationship becomes toxic and eventually dies out. While jealousy may initially look all cute, it can quickly morph into the Lernaean hydra (the mythical Greek monster).

What stirs up jealousy in a relationship? Read on to know!

What Causes Jealousy In A Relationship?

1. Inferiority

“Jealousy is an inner consciousness of one’s own inferiority. It is a mental cancer.”

– B.C. Forbes

Jealousy often arises from an inferiority complex, which leads to insecurities (2). For instance, you may feel like you are not good enough to sustain your relationship. Similarly, your partner may feel inferior and think you are dissatisfied and end the relationship.

2. Comparison

“Comparison is a very foolish attitude, because each person is unique and incomparable. Once this understanding settles in you, jealousy disappears.” – Osho

Once you open the door to insecurities, you start comparing yourself with others, especially your partner’s friends. This makes you believe that you are up against all of them. In such scenarios, you may end up asking your partner not to meet their friends. Your partner (unaware of what’s brewing inside your head) may not give in to such demands, which may fuel the fire.

3. Self-Doubt

“Jealousy is bred in doubts. When those doubts change into certainties, then the passion either ceases or turns absolute madness.”

– Francois Rauchefaucold

Jealousy feeds off your self-doubt. The more you put yourself down, the more you believe your partner will leave you. This increases envy and anger, especially if your partner is hanging out with someone you constantly compare yourself with.

4. Envy

“Jealousy is information. It tells you what you desire, what you admire, what you despise in yourself. You could learn from the person you envy if you weren’t blinded by resentment. Learning feels better than loathing.” – The Stoic Emperor

People tend to envy others for traits they lack. This is aggravated if you already have self-doubt.

5. Obsession

“Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive

.” – Havelock Ellis

Jealousy is like a wildfire that spreads quickly due to obsessive thinking. You want to keep a watch on your partner’s whereabouts. You try checking their phone or calendar when they aren’t around. If they meet someone you don’t like, it worsens the situation. This obsessive thinking eventually slays the love you and your partner have for each other.

6. Lack Of Trust

“Jealousy is the lifelong noose hanging about the neck of love.”

– Caitlin Thomas

If you don’t trust your partner, you will try to force them into a tighter rein, meaning, you will want to control their freedom in the relationship. You will want to know where they are and whom they are with all the time. Your partner will feel trapped and suffocated in a relationship like this.

7. Past Experiences

“Jealousy is a strong emotion that can break any strong relationship.”

– Anonymous

Jealousy is a strong emotion, but it affects you more if you have been cheated on in your past relationship. Your mind begins to think the worst about your current partner because of past experiences. But it is important to remember that you cannot allow someone else’s recklessness to affect your relationship.

According to the study on romantic jealousy, involving 1076 adults, among which 55% were women, obsessional jealousy is associated with functional impairment, verbal violence, physical violence, and alcohol consumption. About 25% of the sample expressed interest in treatment.

Pro Tip

Look for early red flags like low self-esteem, accusations, blaming, and name-calling. These might be the first signs to look for in a suspicious partner.

Now you know why jealousy grows in a relationship, but how can you stop it from becoming a Thanos-like hindrance?

How Do I Stop Feeling Jealous?

1. Learn to trust your partner. Once you trust your partner wholeheartedly, any question of infidelity is thrown out the window. Try some trust exercises to build your relationship.
2. Be open with your partner. Let them know how you feel.
3. If you cannot trust your partner and let go of the jealousy, talk to a therapist. You can do this alone; however, it is better to deal with it as a couple.
4. Focus on the positives in your relationship. As a relationship grows, the focus often shifts on the negative aspects. Every day reaffirm to yourself why you fell in love with your partner.

Did You Know?

Jealousy often stems from unfounded imagination. To break this cycle, it is important to examine the evidence supporting your thoughts.

5. Work on building self-confidence and come out of the inferiority complex to conquer jealousy.
6. Instead of acting on your jealousy, divert your mind. Try going for a walk to clear your mind. You can also try stretches or dancing to de-stress yourself.

5. If you have been hurt in a past relationship, learn to let that pain go. You cannot hold your current partner accountable for your ex’s mistake.
6. Make it a point to spend time together, and learn to give them their own space.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does jealousy look like in a relationship?

Some signs of jealousy can be your partner not allowing you to hang out with certain people, friends, and even family. They may keep checking your phone and email. They may accuse you of spending time or being interested in someone else.

Is jealousy a reason to break up?

If the jealous partner is willing to work through it and even see a therapist if needed, you may not have to call it quits. However, if the jealous partner is abusive, violent, and unwilling to change, you should end it.

Can jealousy ruin a relationship?

Yes, jealousy can grow and mess up a relationship if you give it power.

Does being jealous mean you care?

If your partner is a little jealous, it might be because they care and are worried that you will leave them. However, if they constantly doubt you, check up on you, and mistrust you, you may need to call it quits.

Watch the following video for seven insightful tips on conquering jealousy in relationships. The video shares some effective strategies and valuable advice to handle and overcome these feelings to nurture healthier relationships.

Was this article helpful?

Reviewer Author Editor Fact Checker

Joseph MooreCertified Relationship And Life Coach

Joseph Moore is an ace relationship coach and public speaker who started coaching in 2015. Although Joseph is a trained electrical engineer from the University of Chester, he found passion in helping people get it right with their love life.

Read full bio of Joseph Moore

Shivani ChandelBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

 

Shivani Chandel is a postgraduate in English literature from Panjab University, Chandigarh and a certified relationship coach. She has four years of experience in copy editing and writing about entertainment, health, lifestyle, and beauty.

Read full bio of Shivani Chandel

Shatabdi BhattacharyaAssociate Editor

Shatabdi is an associate editor and an alumnus of Lady Brabourne College, Kolkata, where she honed her skills and developed a deep understanding of the world of literature and expression. She has worked with various organizations and websites operating in different industries, ranging from education to lifestyle, showing her adaptability and drive to learn.

Read full bio of Shatabdi Bhattacharya

Sneha TeteBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

Sneha has a master's degree in Applied Linguistics from the University of Hyderabad, a professional Relationship Coach diploma, and over four years of experience in writing. She writes about relationships and lifestyle.Sneha began her career as an instructional designer, shifted to freelance technical and research writing, and self-published a novella on the theme of adolescent mental health.

Read full bio of Sneha Tete