Understanding One-Sided Friendships: Definition And Dynamics

One-sided friendship is unhealthy for one’s emotional well-being. It can be extremely hurtful to find that the friend you consider dear does not have a similar commitment to the friendship. No matter how much time you invest in them or try to support them through thick and thin, they will not feel the need to do the same for you. Friendship is not a one-way road, and it requires equal dedication from both sides.

So if your friend is failing to find time for you, or is ignorant about the events of your life, then maybe it’s time to question the relationship. Yes, it hurts, but being independent and self-sufficient is better than having a friend who does not care.

Once you convince yourself to move on from such a toxic relationship, you will emerge stronger. Keep reading to explore how you can tackle such a situation.

What Is A One-Sided Friendship?

One-sided friendship is when one person invests their time, energy, and other resources into the friendship while the other accepts them all, often without an ounce of gratitude or reciprocation. Basically, one friend makes all the effort to maintain the friendship while the other friend does not initiate any contact or make any effort.

Most often, you fail to see the signs of a one-sided friendship because you are standing too close to see the big picture. So, how to tell if a friendship is one-sided? Find out in the next section!

How Do You Know If You Are In A One-Sided Friendship?

Do you spend all your time and energy on your friend but often find yourself dealing with your own problems alone, even when you reach out for help? Are all your plans with them at their convenience, regardless of your schedule or preferences? Do you feel like if you let go, they would not make any effort to make you stay?

If you have answered yes to at least two of these questions, it is time to look for one-sided, unequal friendship signs.

A lopsided friendship is more common than you think and can drain the giver of their energy, both physical and mental. People often feel hurt and confused about one-sided and unbalanced relationships. It is as hard as being in one-sided love, unreciprocated love, or unrequited love. One of the biggest questions that can haunt you during these times is, “Is there something wrong with me?”

However, rest assured that despite all the efforts that you are making, if the other person fails to appreciate and cherish you, it is not your fault.

A strong and long-lasting friendship is based on mutual support. It is a two-way street. If your bond is based on loose strings that only you are holding on to with dear life, you may be spending way too much of your energy on something that can end up hurting you in the long run.

You can have an honest conversation with your friend and figure out how to fix this one-sided friendship, but it is possible only when both sides are ready to do so. You can always try to convey your feelings and make them understand what has been hurting you. If they are willing to acknowledge your feelings and do something about it, you are good to go!

Ellen, a blogger, shares her experience of how and why she ended her friendship with a bestie of 25 years. She stated that they shared a harmonious bond for many years but distance started showing up over the years. Ellen added, “She didn’t consider my needs unless she was forced to. ” and ended her note by stating, “I regret that I hung on so long after that connection was badly compromised (i).”

Before the talk, let’s look at the signs your friendship is one-sided.

6 Signs Of A One-Sided Friendship

True friendship goes beyond small talks and sleepovers, coffee dates, and dinners. It goes beyond petty fights and sleepless nights. Friendship is about extending your hand and always finding the other ready to hold yours, be it when you are at your happiest and ready to take over the world or when you have puffy eyes and a red nose from crying way too much. If this has been your experience, it is safe to say that your friendship is not one-sided. However, sometimes, we are so absorbed in the feeling of another’s company and the idea of their friendship, that we fail to notice that our affections are one-sided, and the other person is using us. Here are some subtle signs that someone doesn’t want to be your friend. Reflect on them and steer clear of pretentious people who do not lift you up.

1. It Is Never About You

From the food that you order to the places that you visit when you are together, it is only about them and their choices. If you feel like you never have a say in what you do when you spend time with them, you might be in a one-sided bond or one-sided affection.

2. You Are Always The First To Contact Them

You often find yourself starting a conversation with them with a simple “Hi!” over text or a “Hey! Are you free to talk?” over a call. If their replies are slow and your calls go unanswered most of the time, you are bound to feel like you are the only one putting in the effort. Notice if the conversations die down if you do not keep them going with additional topics. If so, it is a sign of a one-sided connection.

Quick Tip

One-sided friendship also shows a lack of empathy or interest from the other person. They may make the entire conversation about themselves and ignore what is happening in your life.

3. They Only Contact You When They Need Something

Does your friend reach out to you only when they are in trouble or need help with something? Does a notification pop up with their name only when it says, “Hey, can you do me a favor?”

These things are bound to make you feel tired of the friendship. It becomes more like a one-sided commitment or one-sided loyalty. If you are always there for your friend, but you cannot really say the same when it comes to your issues, you might be involved in a one-sided friendship.

4. They Put You Down

Let’s be honest – jokes and sarcastic quips are part and parcel of many friendships. However, when the jokes go too far and, instead of a slight pang, they dig daggers into your self-esteem, you should know that it is not healthy, and it might be time to figure out how to end this one-sided friendship. Friendship should be about building each other up, not breaking each other down. If you feel like your opinions and wishes are not valued and whatever you say or do is criticized or looked down upon, it is safe to say that this bond is turning toxic.

5. They Prefer The Company Of Others

Your friends are bound to have other friends, and it is not a big deal. But if you see them constantly leaving you out when they spend time with others and cancel when you make plans with them, it may be time to reevaluate where you stand in their priority list.

6. They Make You Second-Guess Yourself

If they imply that you are being clingy or needy when you seek validation or affection from them, you may wonder, “Is my friendship one-sided?” You must realize that looking for appreciation in a bond is normal, and making you feel guilty about it is not. If your vulnerability is dismissed or disapproved, it is a sign your friend doesn’t respect you.

Moreover, if they project their anger or negative feelings toward you even when you have done nothing wrong, it may affect your mental health, and you will be left wondering if you have done something to upset them. This is the unfortunate psychology of a one-sided friendship. Yes, people may sometimes let out their anger on someone who is not responsible for it. However, if they repeatedly do so and do not apologize or explain themselves later, it might be a sign that your friendship is one-sided. This one-sided attachment may even be harmful for your mental health.

Quick Tip

One-sided friendship can affect your mental health to such an extent that you may even start avoiding good friends in the fear of driving them away from your life.

A one-sided friendship is sure to affect not just your bond, but also how you feel emotionally. It can make you insecure and wonder if you are worth the effort, among other impacts. Learn more in the next section.

The Emotional Impact Of One-Sided Friendship

Friendships are built on mutual respect and support, but what happens when the effort is only one-sided? Over time, it can lead to emotional distress for the person carrying the weight of the relationship. This leads to other effects, such as:

1. Feelings Of Rejection And Loneliness

One of the most common emotional effects of a one-sided friendship is the growing sense of rejection. When you’re the one always initiating conversations, making plans, or showing up for the other person, the lack of reciprocation can feel like an implicit message that your presence isn’t valued. Over time, this can lead to loneliness, even when you’re surrounded by people.

2. Emotional Exhaustion

Investing time and energy into a friendship that isn’t mutual can be emotionally draining. The constant disappointment of unreturned messages or broken plans can leave you feeling frustrated. You feel as if you are constantly chasing the friendship, and this can take a toll on your emotional well-being.

3. Erosion Of Self-Esteem

One-sided friendships can also chip away at your self-esteem. As the imbalance becomes more evident, you may start to internalize the idea that you are not worthy of reciprocation. You begin feeling insecure and lose self-confidence.

4. Resentment And Bitterness

When you consistently give more than you receive in a friendship, resentment can build up over time. You may feel unappreciated or taken for granted, leading to bitterness toward the friend who seems indifferent to your efforts. This can make it difficult to continue the friendship with a positive mindset.

5. Difficulty Letting Go

Despite the negative emotional impact, it can be hard to let go of a one-sided friendship. You may hold onto the hope that things will change or feel guilty for stepping back from someone you care about. However, continuing to invest in a relationship that drains you can do more harm to your emotional well-being than good.

It is important to evaluate the health of your relationships and recognize when the balance is off. Protecting your emotional well-being sometimes means stepping back from those who aren’t giving you the same level of care and respect that you offer them.

So, do you end a one-sided relationship? Find out in the next section.

How To End A One-Sided Friendship

Ending a one-sided friendship may be difficult, especially if you have been together for a long time. However, if you have conveyed this issue to your friend, and they still refuse to change their behavior, you know that it is time to let go. Sometimes broken things cannot be fixed, and when your friendship is one-sided and most likely to remain so in the future, there is no point in hurting yourself further. But how to end a friendship while protecting your boundaries and not leaving any loose ends? Let them know your intentions clearly to prevent further miscommunication. Before cutting off ties completely, slowly start distancing yourself from them. If they do not notice your absence, consider it to be the final straw. Friendships are supposed to be fun, not hurtful. It’s better to let go and hurt for a while rather than stay in pain for years. This pain will pass. If you are not ready to let go of them completely, talk to them and find a middle ground where you both are still acquainted with each other, but not as much as before.

Infographic: Why One-Sided Friendships Are Not A Good Idea

The above-mentioned six signs of one-sided friendship make it pretty clear that it is not a healthy form of association with anyone. As you constantly feel neglected and taken advantage of, this toxic form of friendship can severely impact your mental and behavioral health. Check out the infographic below to understand why staying in a lopsided friendship is never a good idea.

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Frequently Asked Questions

What causes one-sided friendships?

One-sided friendships are often caused by disinterest from your friend, emotional unavailability, lack of communication, inability to connect, etc. Sometimes it is just not a good fit, but the other person does not know how to say it. People who take others for granted and are selfish end up causing one-way friendships.

How do you become friends with someone who doesn’t talk to you?

You can befriend people in different ways. Smile when you meet them, greet them, and introduce yourself. Initiate a conversation and talk about similar interests. You can also compliment them or offer help if needed. If they seem receptive, show curiosity about them, and ask questions.

What is a person with no friends called?

A person with no friends can be called friendless, solitary, or companionless.

Feeling like you are always the one making an effort? Not sure if your friend is really there for you? Check out this video for 6 signs of a one-sided friendship.

Was this article helpful?

Reviewer Author Editor Fact Checker

Nathalie MaggioLMFT

Nathalie Maggio is a licensed marriage and family therapist and EMDR-trained and certified clinical trauma specialist with 5 years of experience. She pursued her Bachelors in Psychology from the University of Wuerzburg, Germany, and MS in Counseling from California State University, Long Beach.

Read full bio of Nathalie Maggio

Sneha TeteBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

 

Sneha has a master's degree in Applied Linguistics from the University of Hyderabad, a professional Relationship Coach diploma, and over four years of experience in writing. She writes about relationships and lifestyle.Sneha began her career as an instructional designer, shifted to freelance technical and research writing, and self-published a novella on the theme of adolescent mental health.

Read full bio of Sneha Tete

Subhrojyoti MukherjeeAssociate Editor

Subhrojyoti is an associate editor at StyleCraze with four years of experience. He has a master’s degree in English from Presidency University, Kolkata, and has also done a post-graduate certificate course in Editing and Publishing from Jadavpur University, Kolkata.

Read full bio of Subhrojyoti Mukherjee

Reshma LatifBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

Reshma is a content writer with a penchant for writing articles on relationships, makeup, and beauty. She started her writing career in 2007, soon after graduating from Mahatma Gandhi University. What began as a love for blogging bloomed into several freelancing opportunities over the years.

Read full bio of Reshma Latif