164 Quotes For Toxic And Selfish Parents
Find solace from your unhealthy home environment with these wise words of comfort.
Children need emotional nurturing to have healthy self-esteem and emotional regulation and build a secure attachment to their parents. But often, with toxic and selfish parents, this doesn’t happen. Their behavior centers more on their own needs than the children’s. Dealing with such parents in dysfunctional and toxic family dynamics can be challenging. A child’s mental health is affected when the parents are emotionally detached and unavailable for their kids.
Also, some parents burden their children with their dreams and aspirations or neglect them due to work or other preoccupations. Sadly, these neglecting attributes can lead to a toxic and unhealthy environment in the family. It is essential to recognize the signs and understand the impact of such parenting. This helps build the child’s sense of self or personal identity, break patterns of negative relationships, and encourage more authentic and supportive relationships with others. In this article, we have listed lines from various poets, writers, and influencers about selfish parents. These quotes capture different aspects of toxic parenting and also help you heal. Check them out below.
In This Article
Unhealthy Relationship And Selfish Parents Quotes
- “Children of narcissists learn that love is abuse. The narcissist teaches them that if someone displeases you, it is okay to harm them and call it love.” ― M. Wakefield
- “As a parent, you should be more concerned with your child’s happiness than your petty insecurities and jealousies.” – Unknown
- “Anyone can have a child and call themselves ‘a parent.’ A real parent is someone who puts that child above their own selfish needs and wants.” – Unknown
- “Being a selfish parent is a sign of not having learned from experience.” – Anon
- “My parents loved us, but I wasn’t always sure they liked us.” – Tahereh Mafi
- “Children shouldn’t have to sacrifice so that you can have the life you want. You make sacrifices so your children can have the life that they deserve.” – Unknown
- “Parents forgive their children least readily for the faults they themselves instilled in them.” – Unknown
- “Being a parent shouldn’t be when it is convenient for you. It is a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year commitment.” – Unknown
- “They are not sorry for harming you. So, don’t feel guilty for cutting them off.” – John Mark Green
- “If you teach hatred to your children, one day your child will have that hatred reflected back onto them and onto YOU.” – Suzy Kassem
- “Just remember when you are ignoring your child, you are teaching them to live without you.” – Unknown
- “Selfish parents may someday realize what damage they have done that can never be undone.” – Unknown
- “It is the selfish parents who are to blame. Pay attention, be involved in your children’s lives. They are your legacy, your only hope.” – Aaron B. Powell
- “They should love you, just as you are. Parents should love their kids, right?” “You’d think so.” – N.R. Walker
- “If mental abuse was a punishable crime, a lot of parents would be in jail serving a long term.” – Maddy Malhotra
- “Good parenting gives headaches, but bad parenting gives heartaches.” – Shiv Khera
- “Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being.” – Kittie Frantz
- “We raise predators by treating children as prey.” – Stefan Molyneux
- “Put your child’s likes before your selfishness.”– Anonymous
- “No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nature and education.” – Plato
- “If your parents ignored you, or if they are just not emotionally available, or if they yell a lot, that is a type of trauma.” – Tucker Max
- “Instead of treating your child like how you were treated. Treat them with the same love and attention you wanted from your parents while growing up.” – Jonathan Anthony Burkett
- “Unhappiness in a child accumulates because he sees no end to the dark tunnel. The thirteen weeks of a term might just as well be thirteen years.” – Graham Greene
- “In troubled families, abuse and neglect are permitted. It’s talking about them that is forbidden.” – Marcia Sirota
- “Most children would rather preserve the fantasy of a loving connection with their fathers and mothers, at all costs, even if it costs them their self-esteem.” – Keith Ablow
- “You don’t have to leave your whole family in the past, just those who don’t deserve a place in your future.” – Christina Enevoldsen
- “A lot of people who have experienced trauma at the hands of people they’ve trusted to take responsibility, and that is what’s toxic.” – Hannah Gadsby
- “It is a violation of trust to use your kids as caulking for the cracks in you.” – Anne Lamott
- “Fighting became a way of life and seemed perfectly normal for your family.” – Steven Farmer
- “An unpredictable parent is a fearsome God in the eyes of a child.” – Susan Forward
- “It has been my observation that parents kill more dreams than anybody.” – Spike Lee
- “Did you have parents or just some people who thought they should own somebody?” – Catherine Lacey
- “Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children’s most primitive fears.” – Henry Cloud
- “You must let go of the responsibility for the painful events of your childhood and put it where it belongs.” – Susan Forward
- Family is supposed to be our safe haven. Very often, it is the place where we find the deepest heartache.” – Iyanla Vanzant
- “Don’t try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.” – Russell Baker
- “A person can’t pick up the children and just squeeze them to which-a-way they want them to be.” – Carson McCullers
- “Dysfunctional parents let their children know how burdened they have been by their children and how many sacrifices they had to make in order to raise them.” – Dr Marita Sirota
- “They ought to accept you for who you are. Parents ought to adore their children, right? You’d assume so.” – N. R. Walker
- “Fear-based parenting is the surest way to create intimidated children.” – Tim Kimmel
- “Let go of negative people. They only show up to share complaints, problems, disastrous stories, fear, and judgment on others. If somebody is looking for a bin to throw all their trash into, make sure it’s not in your mind.” – Dalai Lama
- “At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.” – Jane D. Hull
- “Blood relatives often have nothing to do with family, and similarly, family is about who you choose to make your life with.”– Oliver Hudson
- “It’s very possible and very okay to forgive someone and still not want to spend time with them.”– Karen Salmansohn
- “Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.” – Cheryl Strayed
- “Narcissistic parents don’t really recognize their children as people separate from them. Instead, they see their children as little extensions of themselves. The needs of the child are defined by the needs of the parent, and the child who tries to express his needs is often accused of being selfish or inconsiderate.” – Jonice Webb
- “Family is where you’re meant to be most free, don’t let blood chain you down.”– Michele Meleen
- “Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” – Deborah Reber
- “Your family, your real family, will always welcome you home with open arms. Anyone who says you can lose their love isn’t really family, no matter what blood says.” – Seanan McGuire
- “Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain, and their behavior is a disguised cry for help. However, the important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for resolving their issues. While you can offer help to an energy vampire, it is ultimately their responsibility to sort out their struggles.” – Aletheia Luna
- “The toxic parent sees the child as a threat to their own ego and having the child overshadow the parent is not an option in their mind.” – Shannon Thomas
- “Toxic family members will see expressions of forgiveness as weaknesses to exploit. Don’t give in to their tactics this way. If you need to forgive them for your own healing, then do it, but keep it to yourself.” – Sherrie Campbell
- “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great.” – Mark Twain
- “People who love themselves, don’t hurt other people. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.” – Dan Pearce
- When you grieve toxic, abusive parents, you don’t just grieve the abuse, you grieve everything you didn’t have.” – Lily Hope Lucario
- “Sometimes you just have to walk away. End toxic family relationships because they hurt more than they help. And start rebuilding a new definition of a healthy family in your life, far away from toxic family members.” – John Ash
- “If parents wish to preserve childhood for their own children, they must conceive of parenting as an act of rebellion against culture.” – Neil Postman
- “Sometimes, the people closest to you betray you, and your home isn’t a place you can be happy anymore. It’s hard but it’s true.” – P.C. Cast
- “Everyone needs a house to live in, but a supportive family is what builds a home.”– Anthony Liccione
- “Our parents plant mental and emotional seeds in us— seeds that grow as we do. In some families, these are seeds of love, respect, and independence. But in many others, they are seeds of fear, obligation, or guilt.” – Susan Forward
- “In the narcissistic parent’s eyes, they do no wrong nor do they feel they should be held accountable for the bad and wrong things that they have done.” — Katherine Childress
- “I learned a long time ago that it’s not our fault if our parents are monsters. We can’t take responsibility for that, or we’re twice damaged. All we can do is try to go forward in a different way.” ― Cinda Williams Chima
- “Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.” — Bill Ayers
Though parents are a child’s primary caregivers, they may turn manipulative, neglectful, self-centered, and abusive. This can have damaging effects on the child mentally and emotionally during their formative years and teenage period. Check out our next sections about selfish fathers and mothers who identify the parenting mistakes while raising a child.
Selfish Fathers Quotes
- “A father’s selfishness takes away from his kids’ future as well as their present.” – Unknown
- “Denying a child the joy and memories of being with the other parent is an act of ‘pure evil.’” – Unknown
- “Fathers should know that sons follow their example, not advice.” – Unknown
- “It doesn’t matter who my father was. It matters who I remember he was.” – Anne Sexton
- “Real dads support their children without the law telling them they have to.” – Unknown
- “A real parent is someone who put their kids above their own selfish wants and needs.” – Unknown
- “Sons aspire to either become their father or vie to be his exact opposite.” – Unknown
- “A greedy father has thieves for children.” – Serbian Proverb
- “Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough.” – Wilhelm Busch
- “There’s really no point in having children if you’re not going to be home enough to father them.” – Anthony Edwards
- “Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad.” – Unknown
- “When a father, absent during the day, returns home at six, his children receive only his temperament, not his teaching.” – Robert Bly
- “Every father should remember that one day, his son will follow exactly how his father put his needs above everyone else.” – Unknown
- “A father shouldn’t have to think of his needs first and then accommodate the child’s needs.” – Unknown
- “A narcissist parent is easily frustrated by a healthy independent child that they can’t control through parental emotional manipulation.” – Shannon Thomas
- “Some fathers wonder why the streams are bitter when they themselves have poisoned the fountain.” – John Locke
- “My dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.” – Al Unser
- “There’s nothing worse than a man that can be everything to everybody else. Except a father to their own child.” – Unknown
- “Boys want to grow up to be like their male role models. And boys who grow up in homes with absent fathers search the hardest to figure out what it means to be male.” –Geoffrey Canada
- “When you grew up with an absent father, you grew up dreaming and wanting.. But most of all, you grew up way too fast.” – Unknown
- “My dad had limitations. That’s what my good-hearted mom always told us. He had limitations, but he meant no harm. It was kind of her to say, but he did do harm.” – Gillian Flynn
- “I never had a speech from my father ‘this is what you must do or shouldn’t do’ but I just learned to be led by example. My father wasn’t perfect.” — Adam Sandler
- “Be more than a father, be a dad. Be more than a figure, be an example.” – Steve Maraboli
Selfish Mothers Quotes
- “Just because someone gives you life doesn’t mean they will love you in the right way.” — Unknown
- “It takes someone really brave to become a mother. As it requires a lot of strength to raise a child and love them more than one loves themselves.” – Unknown
- “If we, as mothers, are not careful we can begin to find our identity in our children and their behavior.” – Sue Detweiler
- “Do your kids see your kindness or are you always telling them NO?” – Brenda M. McGraw
- “When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your child.” – Unknown
- “No one, however powerful and successful, can function as an adult if his parents are not satisfied with him.” – Frank Pittman
- “Your children vividly remember every unkind thing you ever did to them, plus a few you really didn’t.” – Mignon McLaughlin
- “She shrieked and shrieked for her mother, but her mother was already there. Her mother was the monster.” – Holly Black
- “The hateful and stinging words of a narcissistic parent can linger in the mind of an adult child long after the adult has left home.” – Shannon Thomas
- “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.” – Jackie Kennedy
- “Don’t make your selfishness ruin your child’s life.” – Unknown
- “Any mother that could be cruel to a child is not going to apologize to that child when they have grown up.” – Rayne Wolf.
- “A good mother never uses her child for her happiness.” – Unknown
- “If a mother cannot sacrifice for her kids, she doesn’t deserve them!” – Unknown
- “Toxic mothers are image-oriented rather than love-oriented.”– Sherrie Campbell
- “An unloving mother robs the child of a sense of belonging. The need to belong can become a lifelong quest for him or her.”– Peg Streep
- “If we, as mothers, are not careful, we can begin to find our identity in our children and their behavior.” — Sue Detweiler
- “I was worthy of her love whether she gave it to me or not. Every child is worthy of love.” — Richard Paul Evans.
Read on for famous quotes and sayings about selfish family members. Unfortunately, you need to let go of such people before the relationship turns unhealthy and toxic. Try to portray your true self whatever be the situation and see your life change to another level.
Selfish Family Quotes
- “One of the saddest things in this world is to see a child grow up hating one of their parents because they only got one side of the story.” – Unknown
- “Somewhat paradoxically, parenting programs should focus on the behavior of the parents, not the behavior of the children.” – Timothy Carey
- “Narcissist parents don’t care about their children’s feelings at all. Only their feelings matter.” – Kim Saeed
- “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.” –Sigmund Freud
- “Today’s troubled homes are made by parents who want to have children but don’t want their children to have parents.” – Agona Apel
- “No child is born a delinquent. They only became that way if nobody loved them when they were kids.” – Jeannette Walls
- “Wounded parents often unintentionally inflict pain and suffering on their children.” – David W. Earle
- “Being a parent does not give you an excuse for bad manners.” – Rosalind Wiseman
- “It is not a bad thing that children should occasionally, and politely, put parents in their place.” – Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
- “All of us develop our expectations about how people will treat us based on our relationships with our parents.” – Susan Forward
- “Parents. Honestly. Sometimes they really do think the world revolves around them.” – Randa Abdel-Fattah
- “When you have children, there is no room for lies, no room for anything but the truth. Anything other than that is a bad example, I believe.” – Johnny Depp
- “Anyone could father a child. But a good parent puts his child’s needs before his own. A parent should be selfless, not selfish.” – Penelope Ward
- “A family who relies on their children for happiness make both their children and themselves miserable.” – Dennis Prager
- “It is impossible to be both selfish and happy in a family that behaves the same way.” – Unknown
- “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.” – Unknown
- “People tend to raise the child inside of them rather than the child in front of them.” – Joe Newman
- “To all you parents out there, don’t make your little girls, or little boys, so thirsty for love that they will want to drink water that will poison them.” – Lisa Bedrick
- “Some parents will provoke an independent child to anger in order to feel superior and prove the child’s flaws.” – Shannon Thomas
- “Being a selfish parent is the biggest crime you can do to your child.” – Anonymous
- “Being a parent is easy but being a good parent is tough as it requires a lot of dedication and goodwill.” – Anonymous
- “When you’re three or seven years old, it’s less frightening to think of yourself as an unlovable, disappointing screwup than to recognize the fact that you’re living with a monster.” – Keith Ablow
- “Never substitute ‘presence’ with ‘presents’. Presents can spoil your child, but your presence will make them a true human being.” – Anonymous
- “Toxic people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons.”– Travis Bradberry
- “There are no illegitimate children – only illegitimate parents.” – Leon R. Yankwich
- “You don’t let go of a bad relationship because you stop caring about them. You let go because you start caring about yourself.” – Charles Orlando
- “Real family does not come from your blood. It is the people standing beside you when no one else is.” – Nishan Panwar
- “Many children of toxic parents find it exceptionally difficult to identify who they are once they grow up.” – JR Thorpe
- “No child should ever have to bear the burden of parenting their own parents. To toxic parents, you existed to serve them all the time.” — Kim Saeed
- “Whatever parent gives his children good instruction and sets them at the same time a bad example, may be considered as bringing them food in one hand and poison in the other.” — John Balguy
- “When you grieve toxic, abusive parents, you don’t just grieve the abuse, you grieve everything you didn’t have.” — Lilly Hope Lucario
- “I built up so much hatred for my parents, like so much anger for the life they had given me.” — Tana Mongeau
- “The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.” — Jim Morrison
- “Here’s a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.” — Daniel Tosh
- “If we never have headaches through rebuking our children, we shall have plenty of heartaches when they grow up.” — Charles Haddon Spurgeon
- “Money doesn’t change men, it merely unmasks them. If a man is naturally selfish or arrogant or greedy, money brings that out.” — Henry Ford
- “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” — Frederick Douglass
- “You shouldn’t do that. Not to your child. You should carry your own burdens.” Cassandra Clare
- “At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.” – Jane D. Hull
- “Getting angry when something about their behavior is challenged in the nicest way, is a typical reaction of a narcissistic parent.” ― Diana Macey
- “Dysfunctional parents do not apologize. It is one feature that the children of narcissists would instantly agree on. They will lie and justify themselves, but never accept they did anything wrong.” – Diana Macey
- “What’s so sad is when we’re younger, if you have a bad parent, that is normal to you, and that’s what you think of as healthy.” – Jennifer Lawrence
- “Perhaps this was the wisdom with which a child in her position survived: by minimizing her wounds—staying as small as possible, as nearly transparent as possible.” ― Haruki Murakami
- “Narcissistic parents will try to hurt you any way they can emotionally. Be aware that if they can’t get to you directly, they will try to hurt you through your children.” — Tina Fuller
- “The ones that love us least, are the ones we’ll die to please.” – Paul Westerberg
- “It is the self parents who are to blame. Pay attention. Be involved in your children’s lives. They are your legacy, your only hope.” — Aaron B. Powell
- “Permissiveness is the principle of treating children as if they were adults; and the tactic of making sure they never reach that stage.” — Thomas Szasz
- “As long as you continue to react so strongly to them, you give them the power to upset you, which allows them to control you.” – Susan Forward
- “A lot of parents will do anything for their kids except let them be themselves.” — Banksy
- “Too bad for any parent who has become accustomed to ruling by force, because at some point the kids just get too big to slap around.” – Barbara Ehrenreich
- “Children are not born for the benefit of their parents, neither are they the property of their family. Children belong to the future.” ― Anthon St. Maarten
- “Who said that parents’ beliefs should be adopted by their children?” ― Lukasz Laniecki
- “Control leaves no room for trust.” ― Glennon Doyle
- “Controllers, abusers and manipulative people don’t question themselves. They don’t ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else.” — Darlene Ouimet
- “Instead of promoting healthy development, they unconsciously undermine it, often with the belief that they are acting in their child’s best interest.” ― Susan Forward
- “The more dysfunctional, the more some family members seek to control the behavior of others.” – David W. Earle
- “Spanking a child is about the parent not the child. The child will learn more from positive correction than physical manipulation.” — Asa Don Brown
- “Parental alienation is an emotional act of violence that is aimed at an adult, but critically wounds a child.” — Steve Maraboli
- “All parents damage their children. This was their life together. Neglect. Violence. Silence.” — Mitch Albom
- “Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.” ― Lundy Bancroft
These powerful quotes simply shed light on the influence that toxic parenting can have on people, not only as children but well into their adult lives.
These quotes offer some really important insight and validation to those who have grown up in toxic parenting environments.
Additionally, recognizing specific behaviors and patterns of toxic parenting can validate abusive or unhealthy experiences, allowing children to heal, learn to establish boundaries, and have healthier relationships with others. Continue reading to discuss those key traits.
Identifying The Signs Of Toxic Parenting
All parents make mistakes sometimes but also make the effort to right their wrongs, whereas toxic parents are unwilling or unable to change these harmful behaviors. Knowing the signs of toxic parenting may help you differentiate between the two. Here are some common toxic traits that one needs to recognize:
- Repeated Criticism: Toxic parents tend to criticize their children all the time, focusing on their weaknesses rather than praising their strengths.
- Manipulation: They use guilt, shame, or fear to control their children’s actions.
- No Personal Boundaries: Toxic parents hardly ever set boundaries regarding personal space, privacy, or excessive demands.
- Conditional Love: They often withdraw love and affection unless the child meets their conditions.
- Gaslighting: They deny, distort, or manipulate the reality of a child to suit themselves.
- Neglect: They fail to show emotional or physical support.
- Overcontrol: They tend to micromanage every single aspect of the child’s life so it works to their benefit.
- Comparison: They keep comparing their child to other siblings, friends, or idealized notions of how they think their child ought to be.
- Verbal Abuse: This includes yelling, name-calling, or using hurtful language.
- Physical Abuse: In extreme cases, toxic parenting may escalate to physical violence.
- Unpredictability: Toxic parents have mood swings, so their children live in a constant state of tension and fear as anything can set them off.
- Parentification: They make the child bear adult responsibilities or be a parent for their younger siblings.
- Unapologetic: Toxic parents do not confess or apologize for their mistakes.
First and foremost, identifying such traits addresses the toxic parenting issue. If you can identify with most of these behaviors, it is essential that you get help or seek professional support and overcome the impact, and break this cycle.
Infographic: 10 Insightful Toxic Parents Quotes To Help You Heal
Navigating a relationship with toxic and selfish parents can be challenging and emotionally draining. In times like these, finding inspiration and inner strength becomes crucial. The infographic below is a compilation of 10 insightful quotes that can help you rise above the negativity and find healing and empowerment on your journey of overcoming toxic and selfish parents. Check it out.
Children do not fare well when neglected, isolated, and subjected to harmful behavior by their parents. It could be a tough pill to swallow, even for grown individuals. Moreover, it is not easy to accept that your parents could be toxic and abusive because those are not qualities usually attributed to parents. If you have noticed this within your domestic space, these quotes on toxic, selfish, and gaslighting parents will help you build some perspective. Take action if your parents are abusive. Remove yourself from an unhealthy environment that enables a toxic parent-child relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you talk to a selfish parent?
You must balance compassion and self-compassion while dealing with a selfish parent. Breaking up with a narcissist, whether it’s a parent or another significant figure, requires you to develop self-worth and confidence to see through and disregard their gaslighting attempts. Furthermore, create clear boundaries, as they help you face future challenges. However, it is also recommended to consult a counselor for the best advice.
How does a toxic mother affect you?
A toxic mother can negatively affect your mental and emotional health. They can be abusive and violent, and over time, the child may also develop anxiety issues, lack self-worth, or even develop violent tendencies.
Does a toxic parent love their child?
No. Most toxic parents claim they love their children but, in reality, it never translates to nourishing, encouraging, respectful, or even acceptable behavior.
How can I begin to heal from the effects of toxic parenting?
Healing from the effects of toxic parenting involves several key steps. It requires validation of your feelings and setting boundaries with toxic parents so that you may take care of your mental health. Therapy may help unpack emotional scars and teach you how to heal yourself and grow. Build healthy coping mechanisms like meditation, journaling, and maintaining supportive relationships. Healing is not always linear and may take time. Remember that you deserve love, respect, and the chance to grow beyond your messy childhood.
Key Takeaways
- Dealing with toxic and selfish parents can negatively impact a child’s mental health and emotional well-being.
- These parents see forgiveness as a weakness and try to live their dreams through their children.
- Creating clear boundaries and accepting them for who they are can help you deal with them in the future.
Discover the complex world of toxic and selfish parents in this eye-opening video. Gain insights, coping strategies, and ways to heal from these challenging family dynamics.
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