6 Stages Of A Relationship That All Couples Should Understand

The first stage of a relationship is the euphoric stage, commonly known as the honeymoon phase. It is the fresh, intense, first love stage that all couples go through when they first get together. Couples in this stage feel intense joy and giddiness in the presence of their partner. Their love is passionate, and they find it hard to stay away physically.

When people are in this stage of a relationship, they often feel that they have found their soulmate. Couples in this stage are strangely extremely compatible with each other. They don’t want any boundaries and want to be together all the time. They seem to merge into one being, or at least desperately want to do so.

However, as far as science is concerned, this stage is a fancy, make-believe stage that often shuts down the rational reasoning part of our brains. Couples in this stage usually experience biochemical changes in their brain. They have a cocktail of happy hormones coursing through their body – such as oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins – which initiate and maintain a state of intense infatuation.

The brain on the love drug can often lead us to feel “addicted” to our loved one and to ignore red flags, incompatibilities, or any other issues. Also, while they are in this early stage, people show a decrease in the activity of their brain’s prefrontal cortexⁱ  The front part of the brain that performs executive functions like memory, learning, and cognition. , which deals with the negative judgment of others. Josephine Ferraro, a licensed NYC psychotherapist, shared her views about the stages of a relationship in her blog. While discussing the first stage, she says, “This is the heady, fun time in a new relationship. It’s the time in a relationship when you’re head over heels about your partner. There’s a lot of chemistry between you–so much so that you feel “high” from all those endorphins coursing through your body. During this stage, couples tend to focus on similarities and ignore differences and potential problems (some people don’t just ignore these problems–they don’t see them because they’re so infatuated with their partner). It’s also the time when you spend a lot of time fantasizing about your partner (i).”

What To Do In This Stage

Enjoy it! This is the stage of love that makes dating someone so intriguing and delightful. However, be aware that your emotions are heightened, and your power of reasoning is compromised.

Take your time in making any decisions that will impact your life. This stage can fog your vision and affect your decision-making capabilities. It may make you want to dive headfirst and blind into situations that may adversely affect you in the long run. Whether you like it or not, the temporary feeling of infatuation will eventually fade away, so don’t make rash decisions just because you are “in love” or because “all is fair in love.”

Scroll down for strategies to navigate this stage. 

• Appreciate your partner’s passion and enjoy every moment of this stage but remind yourself that it is temporary. Do not make impulsive decisions purely based on heightened emotions. Instead, focus on being present and engaged in your relationship. 
• Although, you would want to spend the entire time with your partner, take some time out and indulge in activities that you love. Do not ignore your wishes and preferences. 
• Take some time to step back and study your relationship. You need to honestly question whether this person would be the best match for you in the long run. Also, notice any concerning behavior of your partner that does not align with your values and address them right away. 
• Initiate open discussions about your expectations and long-term goals. This not only lays a strong foundation for your relationship but also gives your partner a clear understanding of what you seek in a lifelong connection. Open communication is key to a healthy relationship.

Quick Tip

You can sustain the honeymoon phase by cuddling often or writing love letters to show your partner how much you love and appreciate them.

Stage 2: The Early Attachment Stage

In this stage, the more evolved part of our brains begins to take over. The ventral pallidum, the region of our brains that is linked with feelings of attachment, gets more active. While you still get high doses of “love” hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin, the reasoning part of your brain starts to function again. You will feel “in love” with your partner at this stage but realize that you both are different people with different wants and needs. Both these relationship stages deal with couples who are very much in love and willing to move towards a shared future.

What To Do In This Stage

You will know that you have reached this stage when you can sleep again! You will be able to think of other things other than your partner 24/7. Your love will turn richer and deeper, and the more you get to know your partner, the stronger your bond will grow. By now, you both would have gone through some difficulties together, which would make you both closer. It is important to support each other and work towards a partnership that brings out the best in both of you. Let’s check out how you can progress through this stage successfully.

• It’s crucial to recognize that you and your partner will have different opinions. The key is to foster mutual acceptance and understanding, reassuring each other that it’s normal to have differing viewpoints.
• Communicate openly and honestly with your partner regarding boundaries and relationship expectations. This will help strengthen the bond and make it fulfilling. 
• Disagreements are common during this stage. If such a situation occurs, validate your partner’s feelings and foster patience to hear them out entirely before making remarks. This will help you stay calm and collected in the face of conflict.
• Share your deep-seated feelings with your partner and encourage them to do the same to develop emotional closeness.

Stage 3: The Crisis Stage

The third stage of a relationship is the crisis stage, which deals with doubt and denial. It tests the most important things in a relationship, such as trust and communication. In In this stage, we finally start to notice the differences and issues between our loved ones and us. The honeymoon is finally over, and we are woken up from our trance with a loud bang.

The power struggle between couples increases, and resentment starts to brew. Unfortunately, disagreement and friction are natural in a relationship. This doesn’t mean that the love is gone. But now, the feelings of love are mixed with irritation, doubt, and alienation.

As the feelings of disappointment increase, so does the biological response to stress. Partners start to either fight or withdraw, depending on their circumstances, attachment history, and personality. Couples feel compelled to fight for their values and beliefs, and both try to get everything to run their own way.

What To Do In This Stage

To make it through this stage, conflict management skills and conflict resolution techniques are essential. You need to learn how to face relationship issues head-on and de-escalate conflicts. Read on to learn how to work through this stage successfully.

• No matter how angry you may be, it is important to treat each other with respect. You need to remember that arguments and power struggles are normal in a relationship – and they are not a sign that the relationship is doomed. 
• Learn to distinguish between unhealthy control issues, such as manipulation or coercion, and healthy disagreements and when conflict arrives, always look to repair things with your partner. Work as a team to find solutions to problems and navigate through challenges. Understand that disagreements are natural. This will help you prevent overreacting unnecessarily. 
• Express your concerns respectfully and avoid blaming your partner blatantly. Use ‘I’ statements to express your perspective without making your partner feel bad about themselves. This approach can foster a more empathetic and open communication in your relationship.
• Remind yourself of the reason you both got together. Revisit the happy memories and shared experiences to get a newfound desire to stay together. 
• Consider getting help from a specialized couples therapist at this stage. People usually wait an average of six years of being unhappy before seeking aid to repair their relationship. And as it happens, timing can have a profound impact on its result. Just think about it: nobody wants to endure six years of resentment, frustration, sadness, and estrangement. If you wait that long (stages 4 and 5) to go to a couple’s therapist, your motivation might be low and not to mention, you will probably be stuck in a negative cycle that you won’t know how to get out of.

Stage 4: The Disillusionment Stage

The next stage of relationships is disillusionment. This is the stage where it may feel like the end of the relationship for some couples. At this juncture, everything is out in the open, and the power struggles have come up to the surface. The issues that the couple had constantly been shoving under the rug are now just too obvious.

Some become excessively vigilant and paranoid, ready to jump at each other’s throats at the slightest provocation. Others may slowly and quietly drift apart over time. They avoid conflicts and don’t want to expend any energy into maintaining the deteriorating relationship. At this point, our initial feelings of passionate love have become a distant memory.

What To Do In This Stage

Suppressing overwhelming emotions is as bad as playing a toxic blame game. If you wish to overcome this stage and still be together with your partner in healthy terms, read on to find the strategies.

• Create a safe space and clear the air. Stop avoiding issues and shoving problems under the rug. As repetitive, pointless, and tiring as these arguments may feel, ignoring them means they are just going to pile up and become a huge lump under the rug. And it is easy to trip over it and never recover from the fall. So, confront your partner to talk about the issues and find solutions to the problems. 
• Reflect on the relationship struggles and analyze your faults. Own up to your actions and accept your mistakes. This approach will help you move a step closer to building a healthier dynamic. 
• Practice kindness and affection even when you are angry or upset. You can feel angry or annoyed at your partner but still spend time together. At this stage, the brain starts to zero in on the relationship’s deficiencies. People tend to ignore things that are going right and focus on everything going wrong. Try practicing intentional gratitude. Make a note of all the things that you appreciate about your partner.

Stage 5: The Decision Stage

This stage of relationships is called the decision stage because the partners reach a breaking point. You may experience emotional breakdowns, start leaving your home for hours to avoid each other, or move out. Self-protective behavior is common at this stage, as are remoteness and indifference. You know you have reached this stage when you begin to contemplate leaving for good and even make plans for breaking up. You may even crave a new beginning with another person. This is when we decide whether to leave, stay and try to fix the relationship, or stay and do nothing.

What To Do In This Stage

At this stage, learning or improving your communication skills will not work since the problem of miscommunicating has long passed. You have an entirely different problem if you have reached this point. You will have a real chance of saving the relationship only with the help of an experienced couples therapist, preferably an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) trained professional. You can also consider the strategies below to try to come out of this stage.

• Take time apart and assess your feelings without engaging in routine interactions with your partner. This alone time will help you evaluate whether you wish to put extra effort into further repairing the relationship.  
• Map the origins of the relationship issues. Once that is done, you can understand your partner better and process their overwhelming emotions. This will help you re-engage with your partner more securely.
• Take charge and accept your role in the deterioration of the relationship. Also, you need to commit to achieving real change. Use this opportunity to learn the lessons that will enable you to become a better person. This process of self-reflection and growth can be a powerful motivator, knowing that you are not only working to save the relationship but also to become a better version of yourself. This will help the relationship to grow and deepen in the next stage. However, if you choose to go your separate way, you can do so in a constructive way and not make it a dirty battle with your ex.

Stage 6: Wholehearted Love

The last stage of a relationship is wholehearted love. This is when the relationship is at its best and healthiest. Couples experience self-discovery, true individuation, and true acceptance of each other’s imperfections – both in themselves as well as their partners. This is when people realize that there is no such thing as the “perfect match”, which ironically may be conceptualized by others as a perfect match for being so good.

Of course, there is still a lot of hard work involved in this stage, but now, the couples are aware of their differences and have learned how to listen to each other. They know how to deal with uncomfortable conversations and can do so without attacking one another or feeling threatened. At this last stage, couples begin to relax again, laugh with each other, and deeply enjoy one another again. They rediscover themselves and one another and often fall in love with each other once again.

What To Do In This Stage

During this lovely stage of your relationship, shower love and affection on your partner. Enjoy being with each other and embrace changes with positivity. Keep reading to learn how to make the most of this stage.

• Nourish your relationship and yourself. Work on appreciating each other’s generosity, humor, resilience, flexibility, boundaries, and purpose. 
• You can stay in this stage as long as you can sustain your own wholeness. Make self-growth and self-care your goals and see how they change other aspects of your life. 
• Support each other in embracing personal growth and motivate one another to fulfill individual dreams.
• Make plans to spend time with your partner and make shared activities a weekly ritual.
• Discuss relationship goals openly and align your values with your partner. This will help you have a shared vision, allowing both of you to work towards fulfilling it.

Quick Tip

Keep doing novel and challenging things together to keep the spark alive and help each other grow. You can also do a recommitment ceremony or party to reaffirm the love and commitment towards each other..

However, there are some relationships that naturally fade away due to incompatibility, lack of trust, and toxic behavior. Such relationships end up in a termination stage.

The Termination Stage

This stage marks the end of a relationship. Here, both individuals undergo a variety of emotions ranging from grief to anger to acceptance or relief. This is a phase of closure, where both partners decide to part ways and move on in life. It can involve discussions relating to the division of assets, children’s custody, return of items, and new living arrangements. Often, both people rely on their family and friends for emotional support and strength. A few individuals may seek professional help or therapy to cope with challenging situations. However, there is no established pattern when it comes to the termination stage as it is a very individualized process and varies from relationship to relationship. However, here are some key ways people can consider to make the stage feel a bit more manageable.

• Allow yourself to express your pain and grieve freely. Don’t fear judgment, and allow yourself the permission to let go of your overwhelming emotions. This is not a sign of weakness, but a necessary step towards healing.
• Surround yourself with your close friends and family and lean on them for emotional support and strength. 
• Set clear boundaries with your ex-partner and limit contacts. Give yourself and your ex-partner the space and time to heal properly. 
• Engage in self-care activities like meditation and exercising to release pent-up emotions and feel relaxed. These activities are not just a way to cope, but a way to show yourself that you are a priority. You may also engage in self-growth activities to improve yourself. 
• Create a new routine and position yourself as an independent person who has an identity outside of their relationship. This new routine is not just a change, it’s a step towards taking control of your life.

How To Keep The Love Going And Growing

How can we keep our love going strong? One of the best ways of keeping the spark and conquering all stages of a relationship is by being spontaneous and experiencing new things – together. Doing exciting and challenging activities can help your bond grow stronger. When you get into a committed relationship, the goal should be to literally increase the ‘person’ you are. You take on your partner’s experiences and perspectives and add them to your own. This also includes their resources and social status. Stop judging your partner and accept them for who they are.

Knowledge is power, and when you know what to expect in a relationship, it helps you stay prepared. While not every relationship goes through the 6 stages, it is more common that they do — euphoric stage, early attachment, crisis, disillusionment, decision, and wholehearted love. Everything seems perfect in the first two stages, and the couple develops an adoration for each other. After that, however, things spiral out of control, and the relationship is tested through the stages of crisis and disillusionment. People face their partner’s shortcomings, leading to a conflict. While many relationships break at this juncture, those that decide to stay together reap the fruit of wholehearted love. Acceptance and a non-judgemental attitude can help you sustain a relationship that might have otherwise crumbled.

Infographic: How To Disagree With Your Partner Respectfully

No matter the stage of your relationship, both of you should maintain your individuality. Often, you may become so invested in the relationship and in maintaining the romance and intimacy that you may lose your identity. This shouldn’t be the case. Preserving and respecting each other’s individuality can help you maintain a long-term, healthy, and balanced relationship. Instead of always giving in to your partner, learn to disagree respectfully and politely.

Check out the infographic below to see how you can disagree with your partner respectfully.

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the 5 bonding stages for a man?

Appreciation, infatuation, attraction, impression, and conviction are the 5 bonding stages for a man.

How soon is too soon to tell someone that you love them?

Few say it is too soon to tell someone that you love them within a period of 3 – 6 months. Some also feel expressing love as soon as you feel it could be too early. However, there is no hard and fast rule in this regard. It completely depends on the bond shared between the partners.

Is it OK not to talk every day when in a relationship?

Although communication is key in every relationship, if you feel it is becoming monotonous by talking every day, it is better to give each other the space. You can initiate interesting conversations after a while.

Embark on a fascinating journey through the five inevitable stages of relationships. Discover how couples navigate crucial milestones, shaping the destiny of their partnership. Brace yourself for insightful revelations!

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Reviewer Author Editor Fact Checker

Brian TavizónPsychologist & Couples Therapist

       

Brian Tavizón is a bilingual clinical therapist specializing in couples therapy and has 3 years of experience. He has also undergone rigorous training in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) from the International Centre of Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT).

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Sneha TeteBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

 

Sneha holds a master’s degree in Applied Linguistics from the University of Hyderabad and a professional Relationship Coach diploma. With over four years of experience in writing, she specializes in crafting insightful articles on relationships and lifestyle.

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Asmita DeAssociate Editor

Asmita De is an associate editor with over three years of experience. She graduated in English Literature from the University of Calcutta. She has collaborated with several digital companies and reputed publishing houses as an editor.

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Reshma LatifBeauty & Lifestyle Writer

Reshma is a content writer with a penchant for writing articles on relationships, makeup, and beauty. She started her writing career in 2007, soon after graduating from Mahatma Gandhi University. What began as a love for blogging bloomed into several freelancing opportunities over the years.

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