Why Is My Ex Texting Me? 14 Emotional And Practical Reasons

Dating may be hard, and breakups can be even more difficult – particularly if you are trying to move forward from a previous relationship

. You can be enjoying a fantastic week and feeling good about your romantic life when you get a message from your ex, and that sense of closure disappears. You may be thinking, “Why is my ex texting me?”

Your ex could be texting you to check up on you, especially if you were together for many years. However, that does not mean that they are stuck on you. It’s out of humanity and a sense of concern for a person that they loved at one point in time. The best way forward is to ask how they are doing and to offer to help if they need any.

Quick Tip

If your ex is texting you to check up on you, reply politely but not entertain the conversation beyond the limit. You may exchange a few messages, ask about them, and end it soon.

2. They Want To Have A Heart-to-Heart

Your ex could be texting you to have a heart-to-heart with you. Whether it is guilt or forgiveness, wanting to have a conversation about your relationship, what went wrong, or why things happened the way they did could be good or bad for you. It depends on you whether you are also ready to revisit those memories. If it still hurts the way you were treated, maybe it’s not time yet to have a heart-to-heart with your ex. It is important to figure out if you have moved past the grief and are ready to hear what your ex has to say without getting too ruffled up. In such scenarios, don’t be afraid to stand up for your need of not wanting to take up any such emotionally triggering discussions until you feel strong enough to participate in the conversation.

3. They Want To Get Back

This is probably one of the most common reasons why exes start texting again after you’ve broken up.

It is normal to break up in the heat of the moment and then regret it later. It is also not unusual for wanting to get back together after being on a break from the relationship. Sometimes exes come back to ask for a second chance after realizing their mistakes. And it is OK if you feel happy after seeing your ex’s text. However, before you decide to reply, consider if the relationship was toxic. Was it one-sided? What were the reasons you broke up in the first place? Also, do a “gut feeling” check. Does it feel right to you that your ex is texting and/or asking whether you are seeing someone? If it does not feel right to you, you know what to do.

Quick Tip

If your ex wants to get back and you are unsure about it, communicate that you are not ready. Avoid saying anything that may ignite hope in them.

4. They Want Sex

It is tough to let go of emotional and physical attachment with someone. No matter the duration or the quality of the relationship, wanting to feel the same touch is not unusual. Your ex may want to feel the love and attention from you through sex. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a sexual relationship, you must tread very cautiously. If it is not just sex for you, you will end up getting hurt again.

5. Feeling Lonely

Your ex could also be texting you because they are lonely. They may be missing the moments you shared together, the conversations you had, or feeling a sense of nostalgia. Feeling lonely could be making them want to seek a sense of familiarity or a place where they felt welcome. However, this may not necessarily mean that they want to get back with you. So, while you may want the best for your ex, be cautious. Loneliness can make people do things that they otherwise wouldn’t do.

6. They Are Just Curious

Being curious about you, your dating life, or your life, in general, could also be a reason why your ex is texting you. This could happen a few months or years after you have broken up. It’s good to be in a place where you both are curious about each other without having any attachment. If you are also at a place where you can maintain communication with your ex without feeling a strange concoction of emotions, go ahead and have a chat.

7. Realization

There are hundreds of reasons why couples break up. But, only a few people own up to their mistakes that added to the cracks in the relationship. With time and distance from each other, people often realize why they acted the way they did. Your ex may have realized their contribution in the breakup and wants to let you know that. It is a good start for your ex to deal with and heal from their issues. And, you will also know that you were not the only one responsible for what went down.

8. Jealousy

Jealousy can get the best of anyone. It could be possible that your ex is jealous that you are living your life to the fullest without their support. Jealousy can also be triggered due to your career advancements or romantic life. You will know whether your ex is texting you out of sheer jealousy by the tone of the text. Sarcastic and snide remarks are the tell-tale signs.

9. You Are Their Backup Plan

This is not the ideal place to be, but there are many of us who have been in that position. Being the backup plan and not “the one” is hurtful and disrespectful. But, the heart wants what it wants, and we sometimes accept being the backup because we are scared to be alone. Your ex can sense it too, and that’s why you are an easy kill. However, in the long run, this is going to be toxic and very emotionally draining for you.

10. They Want To Show Support

Your ex could also be texting you because they want to show their support. Did you just write a book? Won an award? Got a new job? Or, are you going through a tough time? The support of your near and dear ones matters a lot in times of happiness as well as sadness. If your ex is texting you to show their support, it is a very mature move. It’s completely OK if you decide to reply or not. If you are not in a good place to be interacting with them, don’t. Extend the same courtesy to your ex at some point in the future.

11. They Want To Talk About Something Practical

Were you living together? Did you share furniture or appliances? Maybe even a lease or a car? Your ex could be texting to sort out the bills. While moving out when you were living in the same house can take a toll on you, it is better to sort things out while you can and put it all behind you. If your ex is texting you regarding that, they are ready to do so. If you are not ready to talk yet, ask a friend to deliver the message to your ex. You can also book movers to send your ex’s things or get your’s delivered to your new address. However, if you are still cordial with each other, it is best to talk and iron out these kinks.

12. They Want To Be Friends

Friendship is a strong foundation for many relationships. While you both may not be right for each other as romantic partners, you could be good friends. Perhaps your ex wants just that. This could also happen if you have a large group of common friends. Maybe your ex wants to clear the air of awkwardness. Whatever be their reason to extend a hand of friendship, it ultimately depends on you whether you can go back to being friends.

Ingrid Chajsen, a blogger, shares his personal experience of receiving a text message from his ex-partner. He states, “She texted me right after we broke up wanting to basically keep talking as friends. I had a really hard time with that because she seemed to show much more interest in me after we broke up than when we were together (i).” He proceeds to share how the whole situation affected him badly and further decreased his self-esteem.

13. Boredom

Sometimes exes might initiate contact simply out of boredom. During moments of idleness in one’s life, reaching out to someone familiar can serve as a temporary distraction. If the conversations lack depth or a genuine desire to reconnect, it might be indicative of boredom rather than a sincere interest in rebuilding a connection. While the idea may seem tempting or convenient, it is important to carefully consider your own feelings and boundaries before getting involved with your ex again. Take the time to reflect on your own intentions and priorities before deciding whether to entertain this or not any further.

14. They Want Closure

Breakups sometimes leave lingering questions or unresolved feelings behind. And for some people, finding answers to them is essential to fully move on. If you had ended things abruptly, there is a chance that your ex is texting you to understand what went wrong or gain reassurance that ending things was the right decision. In such a case, talking to them may help tie up loose ends. This way, you can both move forward without the weight of uncertainty or unresolved emotions.

These are some of the plausible answers to your question, ‘Why is my ex texting me?’. But another burning question is, ‘Should you text your ex back?’ Scroll down to find out.

So, Should You Text Your Ex Back?

There is a right time and place for everything. Sometimes, a text from an ex might just give you mixed signals as they struggle to discover what they really want. You do not have to pretend to be OK with texting your ex if you are not ready for it. If you had a toxic relationship, you might not want to be in touch with your ex at all. And that’s fine. Define clear boundaries. Ignore your ex’s text(s). And if that does not help, you can block your ex. On the other hand, if you have healed and moved on from that place of hurt and anger, text your ex back. There may be questions you have to ask ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. However, if you are still moving on, practice caution.

Sometimes people ambush you in the most surprising ways. The best way to check if you trust your ex’s text to be coming from a place of good intention is to see if you can tell your friend(s) about your interactions. If yes, and your friends don’t find it out of place, you are good. If not, then you know that it’s not a good idea to text your ex back.

After much assessment, if you decide to respond to the text, do not just let your emotions get the best of you. Instead, consider what could be some civic and neutral responses to avoid unnecessary drama. Read on to find out how to handle the situation and respond to the text respectfully.

What To Do If Your Ex Texts You?

A text from your ex can make you feel a whirlwind of emotions. Whether your breakup was mutual, sudden, or heartbreaking, a text from your ex-partner, with whom you had once shared a deep connection, can be overwhelming. If you decide to reply to the message, do so after considering all kinds of scenarios. First and foremost, consider your emotional well-being. We have compiled a list of strategies below that can help you navigate the situation better. Read on.

• Think Deeply Before Responding

When your ex reaches out, pause and reflect on the situation. Analyze what would have made him send you a message after separation. You may feel a rush of excitement but keep yourself calm. Take a few minutes or even days to process how you genuinely feel. This will allow you to respond with clarity without letting your emotions control you. You may also seek advice from your trusted mates regarding the situation to gain a neutral but important perspective.

• Consider Your Emotional State

If the message from your ex triggers negativity and reminds you of sad moments, it is best not to respond at that time. Take time to assess your feelings and engage once you are ready. However, if you feel neutral and indifferent after hearing from your ex, you may reply immediately and engage in a straightforward conversation.

• Have A Clear Intention

Before replying to the text, decide what you want from the conversation: whether you hope for a mutual closure, a happy friendship, or want to re-engage in a romantic relationship with them. You may also indulge your approachable and polite nature by simply acknowledging their message. Send replies that reveal your intention clearly to avoid misunderstandings.

• Avoid Revisiting Past Arguments

It is wise not to talk about past conflicts or disagreements. Keep the conversation lighthearted and respectful. Reopening old wounds can trigger emotional outbursts, leading to unhealthy interactions. Instead, respect your boundaries and send simple acknowledging messages.

• Know When To End The Conversation

This is important if you see the conversation with your ex is not taking a positive turn or you do not wish for a possible reunion. End the conversation politely and make it clear that you have moved on and will not encourage any advances.

Besides these measures, perhaps asking yourself some questions about your own feelings about this situation can help you gain clarity. In the next section, we have put together some major questions to ponder. Keep reading.

What To Ask Yourself Before Texting Your Ex Back?

You may ask yourself the following questions to better understand your emotional state and how you want to respond to the text.

• Why did they text me?

The key question to ask yourself is ‘Why is my ex texting me?’ This will help you analyze their intention, both negative and positive, and give you a deeper insight into the possible outcome they would want from the conversation.

• How do I feel about hearing from them?

Assess your immediate reaction after receiving a text from your ex, whether you felt happy, anxious, sad, or just indifferent. This will help you tailor your reply accordingly.

• Have I truly moved on?

Ask yourself whether you have moved on completely or are in the process. If you want to take the next step towards personal improvement and your ex-partner’s presence can be a hindrance, either avoid texting them and block their number or clearly communicate to them that you do not wish for further engagements.

• How would replying affect my new relationship?

It is best to avoid any form of interaction with your ex if you have someone new in your life with whom you wish to develop a romantic bond. Assess how the communication with your ex might affect the new bond that you are seeking. If you still wish to reply, do so in a neutral manner without unwittingly leading your ex on for a reunion.

Infographic: 5 Key Reasons Why Your Ex May Text You After Break Up

‘Break up hurts the most’- we have all heard this. It is quite difficult to move on from your ex and start afresh without them. When it comes to receiving texts from your ex, however, the heart beats faster thinking of the possible reason behind it. We have already curated a list for you to avoid spending time trying to find the perfect reason. Check out the infographic below to know the top five reasons you may receive texts from your ex after a break up. Give yourself time and move forward with your decision.

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it a bad idea to be friends with an ex who keeps texting me?

It all depends on the kind of relationship you have with your ex partner. If you broke up amicably, then they might just want to keep in touch. However, If you were involved in a toxic relationship and your ex constantly messages you, it is better to refrain from replying to them and being friends.

Can my ex change their mind about the breakup if they are texting me?

There is a possibility that your ex is texting you to get back together and patch up after the breakup. You can note signs your ex will eventually come back. However, do not jump to that conclusion as soon as you get a text from them.

Is it a good idea to meet up with my ex if they keep texting me?

If you feel the constant messages are troubling you and making you uncomfortable then you are not compelled to meet your ex, simply ignore the texts or block them.

Received a sudden message from your ex and don’t know what that means? Then watch this video that shows possible reasons why they may want to get in touch with you. Also, if you are on the other side of the table and want to know how to make your ex miss you, we can help you with that too!

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Hemali AdhiyaICF Certified Relationship Coach

     

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